Killers

Chapter 18

This time I had my own room. Felix called me just to let me know if I was gone be in there that he was gone make it as comfortable for me as possible. So what does the man do makes a few phone calls gets me my own room with perks that others aren't getting. It was set up beautifully there was a pink glider a shelf full of books a decent size bed and a tv along with a dresser. The wallpaper was filled with green vines and bright red roses, so I'm sitting in the glider reading a book looking out the window that's twice the size of me and my siblings put together enjoying the silence and peace. I felt like a little old lady due to me having my slippers pajamas with my hand nitted blanket covering me. Rocking I heard the door open and close behind its self turning to see who had just walked in just for my eyes to lock on my therapist. "Good morning miss layne I thought today would be a perfect day to take a walk in the garden so we could have our session and breathe in the fresh air" nodding my head I stood up and slipped my slippers off and put on a pair of sandals! So what did you have in mind to go over today doc? "I thought we could talk about your home life dig a little deep into things that still affect your brain chemistry" blinking a few times I draw a complete blank. Okay I'll give it a try but my home life has always been good. "And that's fine, listen it's just talk and I want to hear all of it. That's what I'm here for jade" her clip bored pressed to her chest she turned on her heels and held the door open for me

Out in the garden we walk and talk it's nice, feeling the light breeze kiss my skin along with the faint hum of the birds that fly over. I can almost get lost in all of it.

Doc*
Jade?

Jade*
Hmmm? What's up!

Doc*
I was asking about your childhood? What can you tell me about it?

Jade*
There's really not much to tell I had both of my parents there I got all and everything I wanted with an easy childhood.

Doc*
I'm gone point out the obvious here, you're being vague. Let's say your childhood was good but everybody has a story, normally they start early on. What can you tell me that feels sort of out of place!

Stopping dead in my tracks, the only things coming to mind is something I swore to never talk about and I refuse to start.

Jade*
Nope my life with my siblings and parents was very full of love with a fierce protectiveness. My mother made sure I was in all the sports I wanted to be and even put me in lessons for piano. I remember the story's she'd read me at night to help me sleep and how'd she'd cradle me when we'd have god awful thunder storms.

Doc*
Okay I'm hearing alot about your mother, what about your father?

Jade* don't get me wrong my father was as steady and a rock but he was in the military we'd see him when we could we even lived on base for the longest time, but with his work there has always been distance and worry. That's the one thing that I am completely honest with myself about!

Doc looked at me. Blank expression written all over his face then finally spoke up, you tend to be honest with yourself about everything? Stopping to think for a min I reply with yes! Which it isn't a lie I've  always had a problem with being way overly honest with myself. It's the reason I'm closed off from so many things. Relationships included. Let's take Austin death for instance the only reason I got over that so fast is because I was honest with myself about the situation. I'm honest to myself about how people treat me and what kind of people I surround myself with.

Is there anyway we can end the session for today doc. I have a book and glider waiting for me in my room that I'd like to get to, "that's completely fine oh and Jade you made progress today with out even knowing about it, I will see you tomorrow same time". Smiling my feet wonder to the fountain sitting in the middle of the thousands of roses hydrangeas and other flowers I know nothing about. Standing there time just kind of ticks by, the air chills slightly telling me it's time to go back inside. Making my way back up to my room I get lost in my own train of thoughts. So here's the thing I lied to doc my childhood wasn't as great as I let on. Truth be told it was psychologically bad it wasn't my parents fault either. I was a fucked up kid, we had this pet his name was pickle, pickle was a frog he had this tendency to croak loud and constantly. The twins loved pickle so every morning they'd wake up and head straight to his enclosure to take him out and play with him they'd feed him dead flys and worms, till one day they found him in small little pieces gutted and placed neatly in his enclosure. Things like this happened more and more till my parents started taking me to different doctors and finally a crazy bin. I got better over time but there are still moments were I do feel that void of emotion.

Coming up on my door it lay just adjacent enough for somebody who's right up on it but not enough to notice from far away. My heart sinks. Pushing the door open I search the room only to see no one is in it. Sighing I walk in kick off my shoes and pants crawl under the sheets drifting off to nothing but my nightmare playing on repeat!