Project 43

Where are you?

Steve stood there, staring at the door. He wanted to go running after his little brother but knew that it would do no good. He just stayed still, frozen, trying to understand everything his little brother had just told him.

Steve felt disgusted with himself. Before that night, he had already felt horrible about being such a bad brother, but now he was the reason his little brother had to go through so much torment. Because he didn't open those letters, he let his brother get abused for years, which led to him running away and being taken by Hydra all because he shared some of the same genes as Steve.

Steve ran a hand through his hair and tried to take deep breaths. He didn't cry often, but he couldn't help it anymore. He sat down on the branch and let the tears fall. One after the other they just kept on coming as Steve fell deeper and deeper into his thoughts. He was so revolted by himself that after a while, he had to run outside to throw up.

With his ignorance, Steve had caused his little brother, the only family he had left to suffer so much. Steve could see the damage behind his brother's eyes. Elias had been just seen when it had started and he had gone to war at 15, all because Steve couldn't open his letters.

"Whoa, what's going on? What happened?" Natasha asked as the elevator doors opened revealing a tired and sick Steve. Steve tried to pick himself up but failed instantly.

"It's nothing," Steve tried to say even tho he knew lying to the superspy was useless.

"I don't have to be me to see that you're lying," Natasha pointed out.

"You left yesterday to go see 'someone who could be useful'. So what happened?" Natasha asked as Steve tried to decide between going to his room and sitting down on the couches with his friend.

After a few seconds, Steve sat down and ended up telling the whole story as Natasha listened carefully, trying not to judge her friend. Steve had run out of tears back in Belize but it still hurt like being stabbed in the chest, every second he thought about it all.

"I don't know what to do," Steve ended his story with a sigh.

"With your brother or with yourself?" Natasha asked. It was odd to see Captain America sad and desperate but Natasha tried to simply be there for her friend.

"Neither," Steve said sadly. He was used to being sad. He was a man out of time, he missed everything and everyone all the time and always felt out of place. Still, what he felt at that moment was a new kind of sadness. It wasn't the kind that he could just push aside and drown in work, it was paralyzing.

"Well, you can't do much about your brother. He knows your offer and can take it if he wants and you can keep on watching over him from afar. With yourself... I'm not sure," Natasha explained slowly. She wasn't sure what to say or do and could barely even wrap her head around the whole situation. Still weird situations and analyzing them were a paper of her job description. Granted that most of the weird situations were Norse Gods or green anger monsters.

"That's comforting," Steve chuckled dryly, trying to make a joke but failing as anyone could see he was absolutely miserable.

"You're better at the pep talks than me Captain," Natasha pointed out. "Thor would probably have something more of value to say to weird family situations," she joked earning a small smile from her friend.

"I have to leave," Elias said as he walked into Victor's office. The dark-haired man looked up from his computer screen with raised eyebrows.