Untold thoughts - Between us (WinTeam)

Were there any signs?

The next night I was able to sleep, for only a little, but it was sleep. I sighed as I stood up. Usually I would get ready and walk down to meet him now. Dragging him to breakfast and driving us both to school, but what use is it to even get dressed? I looked around my room, it was so quiet. It felt empty without him barging in, in the middle of the night, demanding to sleep beside me. I shook my head. No, I need to get myself together, I need to be strong. A quick shower later I took my keys and walked out my door. Inside the elevator I had to hold myself back to press floor 9, my finger was hovering over the number, it was mocking me. I took a deep breath and pressed the first floor. "Soon, I'll go there again, with him." I mumbled to myself, trying to give me hope.

My professor called me to talk about the accident. He already talked to Dean about it, but wants to hear more details from me since I was at the scene when it happened. I forced myself to his office, he asked me many question but I wasn't able to answer them better than Dean already did. "How could this even happen? Why was Team alone?" He asked me, I didn't know what to say. "I, we told everyone that training was canceled for this day, we can't explain why he was there. We need to wait for him to wake up. But... Please, don't punish him too hard, his scholar ship is important to him." I know that he needs it. The professor sighed. "I know, Dean already talked told me. We're going to see what we can do about it. We just hope that he wakes up soon. You.. You can go now." He sways his hand in the air, I just nod and walked out. My head hurt, I wasn't able to stop to think about every bad outcome. A sighed escaped me.

"Phi Win." A small voice tried to get my attention, it was Pharm and Manow. I tried my best to give them a small smile. "Phi Dean told me that you were here today, so I prepared something to eat. Will you eat with us, please?" I blinked at him, Dean planned all this, he must have known that I wasn't eating at the moment. "Yeah...sure." We walked to our usual seats outside and Pharm placed a few boxes on the table. "Here, this is for you Phi Win, this is for Manow and this-" "This is mine." Dean took the box and sat down beside his lover. "Dean." I said looking at him. "Thanks." He looked at me and just nod. He knew why I thanked him, we don't need to use many words to communicate. A few minutes past but I still wasn't able to touch the food, obviously the other saw that. "Is it not to your liking?" Pharm asked making a shy face. He's cute, everyone can see that, but in my eyes his best friend was way cuter. Team. I tried to hold my breath and denied Pharm. "Don't worry Nong, I like it, it's just..." "Team is not eating with us, am I right?" Manow said and looked at me.

I gave her a nod, they all understood. It's not just me who was feeling down. Team was one who loved to eat, so sitting here eating without him just felt...weird. But food is important. We need the strength to stand beside him as soon as he wakes up. "Win, eat. It's no use to refuse food just because he can't eat right now. Pharm will make him everything he wants as soon as he wakes up. You need to chase him afterwards to stay fit." Pharm chuckles. "Phi Dean is right, please Phi Win, eat as much as you need." I hesitated but start eating. It tasted good, I wish for Team to wake up soon, he needs to taste his best friends cooking again. We sat there for awhile, talking briefly, we ate everything Pharm had to offer. At one point my thoughts where somewhere else again, Dean looked at me and knew. "Win." He said and shook his head, I looked at him and couldn't hold it back.

"Did Team ever talk about dying?". The question was so stupid, I know he never did, but what if... What if we just never saw the signs and he really needed help. Maybe he tried to give us some hints in words he said, in things he did. Both his friends looked shocked first, but then let their heads down. Manow was the first to speak, she was always the louder one so it felt weird that her voice was so quiet. "I don't think he did. He was always happy, ate his food, complained about swim lessons and he talked about you, but..." She stopped. "We just got to know him here in college, we don't know what was before that. We don't really know anything related to his past or family. We are good friends, always together but I realize how little we actually know about him." Pharm started sobbing. Dean put his arm around his shoulder. "He was always there for me when I was scared, when I cried. He helped me with Phi Alex and was always so happy." Another sob, Pharm had to cry, Manow followed him. She tried to hide her tears but it was impossible.

"It's not just you guys, he never told me anything. Even though I was always beside him and I still didn't know anything. I thought I did know a lot, but... How could I not see what he was thinking?" I hid my face in my hands. "Dammit! Why didn't he talk to any of us? Why did he just go in there?" My phone rang, I looked at it and saw an unknown number. "Hello?" I answered the call, hoping it was the hospital with good news.. "Win?" A women voice called out to me. "Yes?" I replied. "Here is Teams Mother, if it's possible could I ask you a favor."

I jumped up from my seat, everyone was looking at me in surprise. "Yes, anything. How can I help?". She laughed a little. "Is there any way I could go to my son's room?" The others wanted to know what's going on. "Yes, I got his keycard. You can just come by." She thanked me and told me she would come around later. I slowly sat down again, everyone was looking at me, I saw the hope in their eyes. I shook my head. "Teams mother, she wants to go to his room. That's all."

I wish I could have told them better news- Pharm put on a brave smile. "I'm sure Team just needs more time to rest and will soon wake up again, because he still need to play his game again and go to swim practice and-" he tries his best to keep a steady voice but we all could hear his hard swallows, trying to keep the tears away. Dean made him lean Pharms head on his shoulder. "It's okay Pharm. It's going to be okay." Loud sobs where heard, Deans shirt was soaked with Pharms tears.

I saw Manow pressing some buttons on her phone, I guess she tries to distract herself, her tears still flowing down. "Alright. I'll meet up with Del now." She said, wiping her tears and her nose. Del, that was Dean's little sister. They were all friends with her, even Team. We all looked at her, she was strong, but I hope she didn't hide her sadness too much. I hope she has someone to talk to, even though I always see her and Team bickering with each other I know they are really good friends and they would protect and help each other no matter what happens. She looked at us and was waiting for our reaction, to anything.

We all knew it's no use sitting here sobbing and feeling guilty, so we decided to split up, but promise to text in a group chat as soon as we need someone. It's important to stand together now, for Team sake. As we were about to part I could hear Dean and Pharms conversation. "He always did everything to make me smile, why did he never tell me about his problems, Phi Dean?", Dean held Pharms hand tight. "Not everyone is able to talk about everything, he was there and did his best. Now it's your time to wait for him and be there for him as soon as he needs you." I know that Dean is having a hard time consulting Pharm, but I'm was sure he could do it. They all just need time to understand the whole situation, to accept it, to...accept the best or the worst outcome of it all.

The time went by slowly, I wish I could have gone to the hospital again, but I waited for Teams mother. I picked up my phone as soon as it rang once. "Win, I arrived." She said in a low tone. "I'll be right there." I told her and walked out of my room, downstairs to open the door for her. We didn't say another word and just took the elevator back up. I saw the number change from 1 to 9. My room is on the 10th floor, but his was on the 9th. Right under my room. His mother and I walked through the corridor up to room Number 919. I stopped and looked at her. My whole body was cold, his room, without him. I took a deep breath, before I turned around to her, looking in her eyes. "This is his room." She nodded and I used the keycard he gave to me to open the door. My hand was shaking, it was not easy, nothing was easy since the accident. I don't want to enter his room, because I know I won't find him here. As long as he is sleeping he won't be in here and it scared me that it would stay this way.