Oh, Phil

Chapter six

*Phils pov*

I woke up to the sound of piano playing. Dan. I got up and quietly walked to the door way. I listened to him play for a few minutes and then remembered those red dots on the floor.

"Dan?" I asked as I walked to him. "Yes?" He continued playing.
"Did you put a towel on the floor in the bathroom the other day?"
"Uh I don't k-know?"
"Well then have you seen the red dots on the floor?"
"R-red dots...?"
"Yeah...." Dan seemed very hesitant as if he was hiding something. "Are you keeping a secret from me?" I ask him, hoping he'd say no. I realise he had stopped playing the piano and his face... he looks so worried, as if he doesn't want me to know the secret if there is one.

His cheeks are bright red and he turns his face away. I place my hand on his shoulder. "Dan, are you ok?" I ask while turning him to face me again. A tear falls onto my hand. "Dan, why are you crying? Is there something wrong?" I look into his chocolate brown eyes usually filled with happiness and joy but, now filled with sadness and tears. I hate to see him like this. He stands up and I fold my hands around his waist, holding him tight.

"Dan, what's wrong? Please tell me."
"I...I can't Ph-Phil."
"Dan please." I whisper into his neck. I reach my hands down to his and our fingers intertwine.

*Dans pov*
I can't tell him how I feel. He would never understand but I can't act as if nothing's wrong, I'm crying my eyes out in front of him! I know I look terrible when I cry, and I tried to hold them back but, it's all too much.

Maybe I should just tell him and be honest? No. No, I cant. The cuts start to sting under my sleeves. I look down at my arms as if they would stop stinging but they don't. When I look up I see that Phil had followed my gaze down to my arms. Oh god. He knows. What do I do? The tears have stopped because I'm not upset anymore, I'm scared. Scared that Phil knows and I can't make up any excuses about my cut-covered wrists.

My heart is beating louder than rain against glass on a storming day. I'm surprised Phil hasn't heard it. Right now I would like to curl up and throw myself off a bridge but I have to face this instead. Phil lets go of my hands and places his soft fingers on my wrists peeling the sleeve away from my arm. I look away from my wrist and watch his eyes, waiting for his reaction.

His usual big, bright blue eyes like the ocean fill with sadness and shrink as a single teardrop escapes the ocean in his eyes. He whispers my name and sounds miles away although he is so, so close to me.

As tears fill up my eyes again, everything becomes a blur except for Phil, who is speaking to me but I can't hear what he is saying. A darkness starts to close in around me, around Phil. I close my eyes. "I'm scared, Phil" I whisper although I'm not sure he can hear me. I'm not sure if any sound came out.

***************
I wake up surrounded by the comforting warmth of my own bed. Except this is not a normal morning. something is different. Someone is crying. Wait, is that Phil crying?...On the end of my bed? I sit up, trying to think of why he could be crying, sat on the end of my bed.

"Phil, why are you crying? What happened?" I ask, gently placing a hand on his shoulder. "Dan, You fainted...and I saw."
"Saw what?" I ask confused.
"The cuts....on your arm." He turns to face me, his face white. He looks almost dead. I look down to my arm with sleeves rolled up. Yes, I remember now.

"Promise me something Dan. Let me help you and please, please try to stop, please, for me?"

"I promise"