✓ attacca.

06 | i can't run away

i can't run away —— seventeen
❝ until all of your memories are erased,
i won't run away. ❞

—— 🎶

soonyoung still remembers the roar of the stage like it was only yesterday that the superstar group was nearing its sad ending two years ago.

they had decided under the group's wishes, that they would take a break as a group and only come back to the performance world when their producer returned to the stage that he had suddenly disappeared on into the shadows for matters they couldn't know from the company or the boy himself.

seventeen wasn't the same without the producer with them, no matter what— each song that was not produced by woozi felt like they were betraying the group and its foundations as a group that began because of him.

woozi, was their foundation.

"seventeen will always be seventeen with all thirteen members!"

it was fine when the members took hiatuses to focus on their pending injuries, mental health problems and or felt too pressured by everything because in the end, they were still humans yet what didn't feel fine was when one member of the group leaves and no one knows the reasons why.

because that's what the producer of seventeen did.
he left the stage one day, and never returned.
all numbers were blocked, no calls could be reached and soonyoung's heart was left with a hole in the middle.

"are you still thinking about him hyung?" asked the youngest as soonyoung felt the first snowflake of the cold winter fall into his palm, melting at the touch of heat he produced to keep himself warm under the chilling night of november. he felt his heart slowly crack at the thought of the month, it would be his birthday in a week and they were celebrating it without him for the second time after he left.

two years.
it's been two years since he left.

"of course." and each time he did, it hurt even more than the last.

lee jihoon was— no, is— his first ever love; the person who understood him like no other could. he was the person who judged him every time but never complained because he was too in love with him to question anything.
he still loves the producer, and still wishes he was in his arms.

"i always wonder why he seemed nervous and out of it that night.. and then during his special solo performance— it was like he was suddenly toying with my heart.." he spilled out, and chan stayed besides him, letting the dance leader cry his little heart out into the cold night that mimicked what his heart felt once jihoon left the group— left the friends he had with soonyoung as if soonyoung wasn't fragile enough.

"i think there's a valid reason why he did that hyung,"

soonyoung's heart is still bleeding in pain.

yeah.
maybe there is a reason.

—— 🎶

the night is cold but young— yet soonyoung still can't count how many bottles of soju he has drank to get to this drunken state. he can't even remember how he got to this part of seoul, or what compelled him to enter a club this noisy and this colorful with the neon lights before.
and then he suddenly remembers.

jihoon hates these types of things.

he sighs in content when the alcohol tickled down his throat, bringing him into a sense of calmness before he felt himself cough from the burn that followed down.
it soothed him (call him a masochist for all he cared!) that he could forgot about all the pain his lover brought to him.