killing time 𖥻 TOMMYINNIT

XIX. day by day

james didn't know what state he'd find iris in. he was nervous, he'd only met this girl in person once, and though they'd had a few conversations about music since then, he definitely didn't feel qualified to be diving into the deep end like this. he glanced behind himself, tommy's house looming behind him. he loved that kid, truly, but it should be him doing this.

luckily for him, right as he reached the door it opened from the inside, a tall guy a few years younger than james coming outside just as he got there. the other guy stopped in his tracks before he reached his car at the sight of james, a look of polite bewilderment on his face. "uh, you alright, mate?"

james nodded awkwardly. "hi, yeah, sorry. i'm looking for iris? i'm a friend of tommy's here-" he went to pull out his phone to show him a picture of the two of them together or something so he'd believe him, but the other guy just nodded.

"right, you're james. she's played me your stuff before. she's in her room, though i don't think she's up for company." like he suddenly remembered that the two of them didn't know each other, he suddenly rushed to hold his hand out for james to shake. "lachy. i'm iris's brother," they shook hands and stood in silence for a minute before lachy spoke up again. "and now i'm late. nice meeting you though, james."

iris's brother unlocked the door for him, offering him a smile before taking off, leaving james alone in the living room. he'd been given rushed directions to iris's bedroom, trying to make as much noise as possible so as to not startle her.

from down the hallway he could hear softly playing mitski, and he held his breath as he tapped gently on her bedroom door. "iris?" his voice was soft, it felt wrong to be loud at a time like this. "hi, your brother let me in. it's james. ranboo asked me to check on you, wanted to make sure you're alright. can i come in?"

he didn't hear a response, so he knocked again before slowly turning the handle. he wasn't sure what he expected her bedroom to look like, but seeing it in person he was definitely unsurprised. it was neat, pristine, almost like as if no one had been living there. the only evidence that the room was, in fact, slept in, was the messy sheets on her bed. iris herself was sitting.

she was on the floor, one sock off, wearing clothes at least two sizes too big for her. the other sock was one of the few things on the floor, sitting by her door. her phone was a few metres away, face down. there was about eight water glasses piled on her side table, along with a plate of what looked to be cold toast, completely untouched.

her blinds were drawn and the only source of light coming from her plugged-in laptop, music just a touch loud. in the corner beside her was what seemed like two packs of gum wrappers, and if james looked in the bin on her other side he'd probably find just as much chewed gum.

she looked up at him as he stood in her doorway, with a knowing look in her eyes. he moved closer, a snails' pace so he didn't make her feel cornered, and she rolled her eyes. james came, and he sat right in front of her, watching her face change. she looked almost... apologetic?

"we're worried about you." his voice was barely above a whisper. "i know we're not the best of friends, but i really care about you, iris. so do ranboo and tubbo." he paused. "and tommy, he loves you. you're his best friend, and i know i must not be your desired company-"

"i'm sorry." her voice was raw from unuse, and suddenly she was crying and james didn't know what to do, so he went to hug her. that apparently made things worse, iris started shaking her head vehemently, and he froze. "i'm really sorry that they made you drive all the way over here," she was shaking, eyes on the floor.

"i don't mind," he rushed out. "really, i'd rather do that than have you upset."

"i'm fine," she moved consciously for the first time since he came in, wiping away her tears furiously. "you don't have to worry."

james opened his mouth to retort, but was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening and closing, and quick footsteps up the stairs. james stood, poking his head around to see who was coming before turning back to her. "it's ranboo, do you want me to leave you guys alone?"

iris nodded almost embarrassedly, and james nodded, stepping out to exchange a few words with ranboo that she couldn't hear. ranboo came around the corner and she found herself crying even harder. she didn't know why she was feeling this way, and she didn't know why she couldn't stop fucking crying.

ranboo didn't say anything, just came and sat right in the spot that james had vacated. james was out in the hallway, calling tommy. he didn't pick up. he'd snagged iris's phone on the way out, and using its last 3% of battery, he copied her boyfriend's number into his phone and called that too. he didn't pick up either.

what a stellar cast of men she'd surrounded herself with. he felt immediate guilt for thinking that about tommy, but then he called him again and there was still no answer.

he could hear iris talking gently and moved into the living room to avoid any accidental eavesdropping.

she was breathing heavily and ranboo held her hand while she worked through it. her first words had been a slew of apologies, and he'd shut her down almost immediately. "you're not fine." their mask sat in their lap, and he fiddled with it while he ran his hand over her knuckles with their free hand. "and that's okay, iris. really, it is. you don't have to be alright, i'm gonna be here regardless, and i'm gonna love you just as much. okay, so you don't have to talk, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, but gum is not a substitute for food, so i need you to eat something. i need you to eat literally any food at all, i'll even order you something."

"i thought you said i didn't have to do anything i didn't want to," she tried, but ranboo wasn't impressed. "i know this isn't what you want to hear, but i'm sorry. it's just... it's hard. i can't do things anymore. i can't eat, i can't sleep. i got so exhausted putting a sock on last night that i had to sit down before i could put the other one on. last night! lachy keeps bringing me food and i just- i can't do it. everything is just. everything."

"here's what we can do," they offered gently. "i am gonna go turn the shower on, and you can take as long as you want. if you wanna sit there in your hoodie for 20 minutes before getting in i don't care. and when you're done, i'm gonna order food, and you can eat as much or as little as you want, and then you and me are gonna go downstairs, and we can do whatever you want. okay? we'll take it day by day, alright. this is today. tomorrow doesn't matter. okay?"

iris sniffled, finally lifting her body off the floor to sit with her head pressed into ranboo's chest. they wrapped their arms around her, and breathed for what felt like the first time in ages when he felt her nod.