killing time 𖥻 TOMMYINNIT

XIV. this is love, right?

the boys were streaming again, and it left iris with a lot of time to think. tommy worried, leaving her alone for hours while they played wii party, but she insisted that she'd be fine. he'd been fussing over her more and more, he could just tell something was bothering her. she'd been a lot more outgoing with the other two than she was the last time they'd been to tubbo's house, and now they were staying for a lot longer.

she'd decided to go for a walk, claiming she didn't want to get in their way. she couldn't go to her usual spot but google maps told her there was a park a kilometer away from toby's house, so she took her phone and her notebook and made the short journey.

tommy bit his lip as he watched the icon of her 'find my friends' ventured further from the house, and he had to turn his phone off to not alert the chat, turning off all notifications aside from texts while he played the game.

she sat down on one of the swings and pulled open her notebook, flicking slowly between the pages. it was nearly full, she'd need a new one soon. she paused on one of the earliest songs she'd ever written, frowning intently.

back when she and jack were still together, he'd been - uncomfortable was the word he had used - with her friendship with tommy. iris spent hours yelling, crying, pleading with jack to realise that they were just friends. jack hated tommy, and he was convinced that he was in love with her.

iris loved jack. she had to have, right? she'd never felt the way that jack made her feel, not with any of her ex boyfriends. not even with tommy, the way they were now. whatever that was.

she didn't want anything to ruin what she and jack had. she loved jack, and that was more important to her than anything. she needed to convince him of that. so she gave in.

weeks went by. iris avoided tommy like the plague, and she almost lost him because of it. he'd call, text, go to her house. they were due to finish high school in two months, and he couldn't handle graduating without his best friend.

he wanted to ask her to their prom, since jack was already in 6th form. she could have asked him, their school wasn't particularly strict on things like that. he didn't want to ask her just for her to turn around and say she was going with her boyfriend.

but then their prom was cancelled and he was saved from having to make any decisions on it. and then she stopped talking to him, and he was saved from having to confront why he wanted to take her to prom so badly.

i've been bad to boys i love.

her handwriting had gotten better since then, but with the amount of tear smudges on the ink, she could excuse it. she'd written a few songs about tommy, but this was the only one she'd ever willingly show him. not yet, though. not with how she'd been feeling recently.

maybe i'm selfish, maybe i'm young. but my guilty catholic heart tears my guilty self apart on the floor. now i want you to do something bad so we can settle the score.

tommy was worried. tubbo could see, ranboo could see. hell, even the chat could see. iris had been different lately, and now she was gone. she did this. this was a pattern. he needed to go find her. they'd been streaming for nearly an hour. she could be anywhere by now.

"you okay?" ranboo mumbled. tommy just nodded, smile plastered across his face. of course he was happy to be hanging out with the two of them, but she was all he could think about.

iris kicked off the swings, letting the notebook fall face down in the mulch. she swung her legs, letting the toes of her sneakers brush over the book, closing her eyes. it was getting dark, mostly due to the storm clouds, and she felt water droplets on her face.

bathe in my blood, so i'm not the bad guy.

she had hurt tommy, badly. she had almost ruined her friendship with one of the best friends she ever had, and now she had been feeling like this towards him.

she couldn't explain how she'd been feeling. it wasn't like with jack, it felt way different. and she loved jack, right? right.

she didn't deserve tommy. not like this, not like she wanted him. however it was. she'd ruined him for a guy that didn't love her. but she loved him, and she'd been blinded.

she bent down, snatching the notebook and putting it in her bag and pulling out her phone.

they were nearing the 90 minute mark on the stream when tommy felt the couch vibrate. someone was calling. he pulled out his phone. no one. ranboo looked down at his lap, subtly signalling to the others to end the stream.

they managed to do it without alerting the chat, and ranboo stood up to check his phone. infuriatingly, he was too tall for either tommy or tubbo to see what iris's text said.

so they had to wait for the gangly motherfucker to read out the text, which ranboo refused to do, even when tommy said "read out the text, gangly motherfucker."

"im gonna go out and find her," ranboo said after typing a reply. "you guys stay here, i'll be back in a sec?"

tubbo nodded reassuringly. "tell her i hope she's alright!"

they both turned to tommy expectantly, but the blond boy didn't look up from his socks. why had iris asked for ranboo and not him? she was his best friend, and he knew the two of them had gotten close since they first met, but tommy thought he was hers too.

iris looked up as she heard footsteps, eyes red rimmed and cheeks wet. she'd said in her text to ranboo just you, please. if that's alright. but as she turned, she selfishly hoped for a second that tommy had insisted he come too.

he hadn't.

— AUTHOR'S NOTE
hi sorry it's been a second i am midway through exam week but i only have my history exam left and then i'm free!! some quick updates: i am now 17!!! also olivia (aka iris) is releasing new music next week and i'm so ready to make it my entire personality, and i am officially 25% of the way through college which is wild