Unbecoming

I See You

Tw suicidal ideation

A few hours had passed since getting to their apartment complex, the pizza had come and we'd all sat on the couch ready to start a movie. I struggled quite a bit with getting somewhat comfortable, needing help from Phoebe to set myself right so as to not jostle my stomach.

"Agh fuck-" well, maybe struggle was an understatement. Every which way I sat made a sharp pain shoot through my body. The knife went deep, deep enough to cause some nerve damage and make everything a lot harder than it was already but not enough damage to cause any problems in the future for me. I was lucky that's for sure.

Phoebe removed the pillow from behind me, "Shit sorry." She mumbled under her breath, trying to find a way for me to sit.

"It's fine, Phoebe. Just leave it I'll manage." I huffed, not really wanting to prolong the already unwanted help. Though I was relenting in accepting it I still wasn't happy I had to.

So the faster we could get this over with the better.

Phoebe sighed and sat carefully down next to me. I knew she knew I didn't really want her help, but when I asked her for it she seemed genuinely happy I had and I couldn't not let her. Her smile made me want to do anything for her.

You're getting too close to her Raene. Reel it in. You know being alone is better. This is only for a few weeks and then you're out of their lives completely.

I willed away the thoughts, they were right but I just couldn't with them today. Life had thrown enough shit at me, this was as much as I could deal with.

Eventually everyone had actually gotten themselves situated. Lucy had chosen to sit on the arm chair while Phoebe and Julien sandwiched me between them both, knowing nothing of personal space.

-

We'd barely gotten halfway through the first movie when Phoebe stood up abruptly, causing me to flinch harshly in the process and sending another burst of pain everywhere. I braced myself for a hit or a punch or something, closing my eyes tightly, "Raene? Raene hey it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you." Phoebe's soft voice spoke out, timid and apologetic. I opened my eyes slowly muttering a sorry. I saw the three of them look at me sympathetically, "Don't." I say.

Phoebe nodded and the other two looked back to the movie, "I'm going to get drinks, who wants what?"

"What have you got?" I ask.

"Coke, Sprite, beer, wine, water. Some other stuff as well." She lists off. Lucy looks back from the TV, "I'll have wine please, red if you have any." Phoebe nods and looks to Julien, "You JB?"

"Just a sprite for me thank you." She doesn't turn her attention from what was playing, which was The Nightmare Before Christmas.

"I'll have a beer please." I say and smile up at her, still a bit shaken from thinking she was going to hit me.

"Coming up!" She skips happily to the kitchen, popping her head round the corner a couple of seconds later, "Could I get some help bringing them through?"

Lucy stands and follows Phoebe back in to the kitchen. Julien finally turns her head towards me, "You sure beers a good idea? You're still recovering remember."

"Just because you're healing doesn't mean I have to too, Julien. One beer won't hurt." I shrug, looking at her with something akin to defiance.

"Okay." She just looks back to the movie.

I turn my head back to it too, not really sure how to feel about the lack of argument on her part.

Phoebe and Lucy come back with the drinks. I take mine from Lucy and crack it open, chugging it halfway almost immediately. I get concerned looks from them all, Julien more than the other.