Maxine and I had been friends since her family first moved to Zepotha. We had been neighbors for a short time, and our families got along well. She and I did not. It took a while to get to know her. It wasn't that I hated her or she hated me, she was just too quiet. I would make advances to seek a friendship and she would stay silent and cold. I knew it was just the initial shyness of a child but it was ridiculous.
One day, her grandmother got sick, so her parents asked mine to look after her while they left. We were 7 then. She would cry and weep and didn't sleep. This lasted a week. Her vulnerability at that time may have made it easier for us to become more comfortable with each other. By the time her parents came back, from her recovered grandmother, we were inseparable. This lasted for many years. Elementary, middle school, and now high school. We faced it all together. She was there through thick and thin. She loved me like a sister and she was the world to me. My sister, my best friend, my rock.
Lately, though, she seemed like a stranger. She wouldn't glance twice my way if Daniel was there. I knew she liked him. And it hurt me that she did. Maybe I wasn't as obvious as she was, but it was there. And it hurt. It hurt every day that we spent together. It hurt when she would drag him away by the arm. It hurt when her normally shy personality contorted into someone so confident. Every laugh and moment they shared stabbed at me. All of it was too much. And she began to drift from me. I don't know if she hated how he gave me bits of his attention, or if she sensed my longing for his touch, but she took away my every chance and my every opportunity. I couldn't even hate her. She wasn't a cruel person by choice.
I knew Maxine's actions weren't entirely her fault, but the hurt and longing were hard to ignore. It wasn't just about Daniel's attention; it was also about us growing distant. We used to confide in each other openly, a sanctuary of shared secrets, but now a veil of undisclosed truths hung heavy in the air. Confronting Maxxie about my feelings was scary – I didn't want to push her away.
As time went on, our interactions got strained. We still hung out, but there was tension. Maxxie's presence reminded me of how things were changing. Our conversations felt forced, and our laughter didn't feel real. We were avoiding the obvious.
During moments of solitude, I sought refuge within the cocoon of my thoughts. I couldn't deny the pang of envy. I felt jealous. Jealous of Maxxie and Daniel's connection, jealous of the smiles she effortlessly coaxed from him, and jealous of losing her. She'd been my rock, someone I could always rely on. I wanted to talk to her, but the words never found their way to my lips. So, I stayed quiet and watched our friendship change.
Then, Lydia brought up Daniel and Maxine. It felt like my hidden feelings were exposed. I felt like I was exposed, naked even. They talked about the tension, but not all of it. That conversation didn't even scratch the surface.
And when it seemed life couldn't offer any further complications, tragedy struck. Would it still be a tragedy if I didn't have my best friend to survive it with? It shattered me. When I needed her the most, all I was met with were looks of discomfort and an air of awkwardness. Where she was meant to step up, Lydia did instead. Where I needed her comforting hugs, I got Cole and Vincent's.
I realize now that maybe things won't go back to how they were, no matter how much I wish they would. The only way for me now is forward.
