Shallow Abyss || Zb1

29

Matthew's mother helped him carry his luggages into house. His mother caressed his cheek lovingly.

"Ah it feels good to finally have you home" She said grinning. Matthew just nodded and walked up to his room. He took a shower and began unpacking.

It was already late in the night. He stood in front of his mirror and brushed his hair with his hair brush.
His room was still the same as it was.

He took out a white shirt and beige pants and placed them on his bed. "This should do" he muttered.

He placed his documents  and Pc on the study table he used to use. He got out of his room and knocked on his mother's room.

"Mom, Please do not disturb me. I'm busy" Matthew said and his mother wanted to stop him and ask about his dinner but Matthew already left.

-

Matthew got into his car and started driving. Each second on the road made him feel worse than he had suffered and endured for long.

He parked his car and got out holding two bouquets.

He sighed and started walking. He spotted two familiar tombstones that were side by side. He sighed yet again and started walking towards them.

"Look at these, The cherry blossom tree's petals are raining on you two" he said softly smiling as he saw their graves covered in pink petals.

He slowly placed a bouquet on Yujin's grave and hesitantly placed the other on Zhanghao's.

He sat on the space between their graves and sighed.
"I still can't believe it's been nine years. It still feels like yesterday." He muttered looking around the peaceful graveyard.

He looked at Yujin's grave "Yujin-ah...Don't worry, Your mom's doing very well. I saw her before I came here...Your little sister is also doing fine" Matthew said bitterly smiling.

"All you need to do is be happy wherever you are.. that's all everyone wishes for" He looked at his grave with a soft gaze.

He slowly turned to Zhanghao's grave and sighed.

"Hi hyung.." he muttered and looked away.
"I really hope you have forgotten about me" He said and gulped.

He looked up to the sky "I've felt like a total loser these past years...I hate myself" he said and sighed.

"I don't even want people to look at me..I'm sad hyung...I made all those choices myself so why...why do I still feel anxious?"

"I don't want to remind you of what happened, I'm just telling you how much I've hated myself. I just hope that helps"

"I'm sure what I'm going through now isn't anything compared to what you went through...but don't worry hyung. I still have more years to come for me to keep suffering" He said and smiled.

"I pray I eventually give up because of the pain...
Everyone said I killed you..and they're right.
Gyuvin, Tae Rae, Gunwook, Ricky, Ji Woong hyung and even Hanbin hyung...crazy right?"
He bitterly chuckled.

"I really miss them hyung..but what's broken is broken. It's better to stay the way we are"
He said and blinked rapidly to hold his tears.

He slowly stood up and ruffled the petals out of his hair.

"I'll be going now..I'll see you two again next year, If I make it. I can't miss out on the day you left me" He muttered. He sighed and put his hands in his pockets as he started walking down the hill.

He stopped when he saw a car that just parked. The door opened and someone got out.

The person also had bouquets in his hand. Matthew still stood as he watched the person start walking towards his direction.

The person got to where his was and just passed by.

Matthew shut his eyes in pain. His head fell low. He slowly looked back.

The person was already placing the bouquets on the graves. Matthew sighed and looked away.

"People who are nice always disappear. It has always been like that for me. There was never an exception.

It's like they were nice to me because they knew they were going to disappear." He stopped and sighed

"Take care, Hanbin hyung" he muttered and started walking towards his car.

Matthew chuckled bitterly as he remembered a memory.

Matthew fell to the ground in shock after Hanbin punched him.

"H-Hyung" he muttered as his eyes welled in tears yet again. This was after they found out what happened to Zhanghao and Yujin,

"This happened because of you- you killed Zhanghao. You wrongly accused Zhanghao and look what happened. Are you happy with yourself?!" Hanbin yelled looking at Matthew with his bloodshot eyes.

"W-What are you saying hyung?" Matthew was shocked at the words coming out of Hanbin's mouth.

"Get out of here! You don't deserve to be here!"
Hanbin yelled as held Matthew's hand, dragging him out of the mortuary.

"Don't ever contact me again Matthew and I hope you live forever with the guilt of what you have done" Hanbin said and left a crying Matthew on the floor.

"I deserved it anyways" Matthew muttered and started driving out of the graveyard.