Chain Me

Secrets (poorly) Kept

     Now, morning, well, afternoon actually, I finally call the General like I was supposed to do yesterday. After last night I can't in good conscience continue to 'forget' to tell him that Lost is healthy. Perfectly healthy, in fact. Everything is in glorious working order...
     "Yes," I tell the General, moving around Lost to get to the fridge and my apple juice. "She's ready to be put in the field."
     Lost points to the pan on the stove, where turkey bacon is sizzling, and I nod as the General says, "I'd feel better if she had taken the serum. That way I'd know for certain she's fine."
     "Believe me," I tell him as I pour me a glass. "She's fine. Besides, she didn't want to take it." Lost told me she didn't like anything unusual in her, but I think she's wary of anything the Facility has to offer because of the way we drugged her when she first came to us.
     "I'd still feel better about it," the General gruffs. "Well, I sent Cas and Mariam out, anyway. There's nothing to be done now. Lost has extra time to rest."
     "Sounds good."
     There's a beat of silence, then he says, "Get a fax machine," and hangs up.
     Right, the fax machine. I had completely forgotten. Sipping at my juice, I tap at my phone and search online so I can order a fax machine. I'd rather have one delivered to me than go out to get one.
     "Here you go," Lost chirps as she places my breakfast in front of me. She's been cheery since last night, much more cheerful than our first outing. Apparently sex appeases her vastly more than killing does. Good to know.
     "Thanks," I mumble, trying to figure out which fax machine to get. There's no limit for me so I put the most expensive one in my virtual basket. "Where do you think we should put our new fax machine?"
     Lost sits down beside me and starts in on her own breakfast. "Anywhere you want."
     Of course she'd say that. "I'll put it in the living room, then."
     "Good choice."
     Smiling, I eat my breakfast. At first when I woke up I thought I'd have that morning after shame, but I don't feel it. Lost hasn't made anything awkward and I don't regret what we did. If anything, I'm excited. This is my first relationship where everything is already out on the table. Lost knows me as well as myself, at least emotionally, and I know her, and we accept each other. It's a relief not to have to pretend or hide.
     "What should we do until the General calls?" Lost asks, already finished with her plate. She wipes her hands on a napkin and waits for me to reply.
     I swallow my mouthful. "Anything we want, I guess. We can get you more donuts. I know you're out."
     Lost smiles sheepishly. "I've been afraid to eat the last one. They're delicious."
     "We'll get you some more, the whole rack if necessary."
     "It's not necessary."
     I sip at my juice and take a bite of my turkey bacon. Nice and crispy. "I should get you a bakery. That way you'd never run out."
     "Then one of us would have to run that bakery, and we'd hardly see each other." She takes her empty plate and drops it in the sink. "I would not be happy that way."
     "So you're happy now?"
     At this Lost gives a genuine smile. "I can honestly say yes and have it be my answer and only mine."
     When we first met I wouldn't have understood such an answer, but now that we're closer I get it. Her happiness is hers instead of mine. "I'm glad."
     She washes her dishes then waits for me to finish my breakfast so she can wash mine. It's sweet, and I appreciate it more than usual for some reason.
     A knock at the front door catches my attention and I get up to answer it since Lost is busy with the dishes. But she's already halfway there when I say, "I'll get it," and she stops so I'm not made a liar. I run my hand across her back as I pass then answer the door. Emma is standing out in the hall.
     "Hey, hi," she greets. She's got a purse hanging off her shoulder, as if she's going somewhere. "I just, uhm. Well Cas and Mariam are gone and I was wondering if you wanted to go to the store? We need a few things at our place but I don't want to go alone..."
     I invite Emma in, saying, "We were just talking about going to the store. Though we were only going to get donuts."
     "Donuts?" she asks curiously.
     "We're almost out," Lost chimes in. "I ate them all."
     Emma chuckles. "You must have a fast metabolism like Cas. She can eat a whole store and still be the same size."
     That certainly would explain how Lost has kept her abs. Her body is scrumptious even though she eats like a spoiled child. "This one is the same way," I tell Emma, hiking my thumb at Lost. "I'll go to the store with you. Just give me a minute to get ready. Lost, you want to come?"
     Lost nods and hurries off to her room. I go to mine and change into something more appropriate, glad I already showered earlier, then stuff my feet into a pair of shoes. But they're at least a size too big, and I realize that they're Lost's. She left them here last night along with the rest of what she had been wearing. My face heats at remembering how she made me sigh and quiver under her touch, but I push it away to focus, so she can focus. I have to remember to keep myself under control otherwise she'll get horny, too. Not that that's a bad thing. But there's a time for everything.
     As I put my hair up I walk back out to Emma and find her and Lost waiting patiently for me. There's white powder on the corner of Lost's mouth, her last donut no doubt, and I'm tempted to wipe it away. But Emma's here so as we leave the apartment I mention it and Lost licks her mouth clean.
     "I was thinking we could go to the mall," Emma says as we all walk to the elevator. "Or do you want more than donuts?"
     "The mall is fine," I tell her. I wonder if I could get a fax machine at the mall. I haven't ordered one yet, just put it in my virtual cart. If I can get one at the mall then all the better.
As we all step into the elevator, Lost slaps her hand on the doorway before the doors can slide shut. Hakeem comes into view and, when he notices us, runs down the hall to join us. His pockets jingle with loose change.
     "Where you guys going?" he asks a little breathlessly as the doors shut.
     Lost presses the button for the ground floor and says, "The mall. Where are you going sounding like a Christmas carol?"
     Hakeem scrunches his face. "Uh... Well, my auntie is over so my mom gave me some money to get rid of me for a little while. Can I go to the mall with you guys?"
     "I don't know," Emma pipes up just as Lost is so clearly about to say yes. "Maybe you should ask permission first."
     He immediately pulls out an old clunky flip phone and dials a number, then talks to his mom. He speaks quickly, as we're already on the ground floor, then hands his phone to Emma. "She wants to talk to you."
     Emma takes the cell and talks into it like a friendly babysitter. She pauses outside the elevator and we all wait for her to finish her conversation, moving out of the way so other people can use elevator.
     "I- yes. No problem. I'll take care of him. It's no trouble... A few hours? Yeah, I can do that... No, of course... Thank you. Have fun with your sister. Yes. See you later. Bye."
     Emma shuts the old cell and hands it back to Hakeem. "Looks like we're all going to the mall." She looks at me. "I hope you don't mind."
     "Not at all," I say, watching Lost pat Hakeem on the shoulder. Hakeem seems like a nice kid, I don't mind having him around. Anyway, Lost likes him and he likes her.
     I walk with Emma as Lost walks with Hakeem. "I hope you don't mind if we take my car," Emma says, a twinkle in her eye. "Your government vans are great and all but I like to ride in style."
     "What kind of style?"
     She leads us all out to the sidewalk and walks around a sleek red convertible, showing it off as if it were a showcase prize. "My dad gave it to me as an apology," she explains as the beautiful machine beeps unlocked. "I didn't forgive him but he paid it off, so why not keep it? Hop in everyone."
     I know some of Emma's story- the fact that she was almost killed multiple times because of her father- but I think I should ask about more of it. The girl is kind and fun loving after what she's been through and it makes me curious.
     Lost jumps into the backseat with Hakeem when Emma puts the top down, then I take the front passenger seat. When everyone is buckled in Emma revves the engine. She takes a pair of sunglasses from the center console and slides them on her face, then we're off. Emma's youth really shines through in this moment, and I'm slightly jealous. I'm not that much older than her but still. Well, at least I'm younger than Lost. That makes me feel better.
     With decent traffic this morning, we make it to the mall in record time. Hakeem is practically bouncing in his seat and talking about some new video game he's been saving up for. Lost is listening and nodding along, occasionally asking about the game's plot and characters.
     "Here we go, friends," Emma announces as we all get out of the car. "What store should we go to first?"
     Lost puts a friendly arm around Hakeem's shoulders and he pushes her away, the way that kids tend to do when they're embarrassed. Luckily she doesn't mind. "Hakeem wants to see if he has enough for a game. Can we see if he does?"
     Emma smiles. "Definitely."
     Hakeem celebrates to himself and jogs across the parking lot, Lost in tow. She even lets him win. Emma chuckles and puts a bit of pep in her step to catch up. I shake my head in amusement and speed up, too, checking to make sure I have my wallet.
     When we're all inside Hakeem leads the pack to the game store, thanking us. I don't mind letting him have his fun since he's so happy. It's nice to be around someone new for a change.
     I stay with Emma just outside the store and sit with her in the bench there, still able to see Hakeem and Lost inside. The mall isn't too crowded for the weekend and it's a relief.
     "She's good with kids, isn't she?" Emma says suddenly, crossing her legs and resting her purse on her thigh.
     I tuck some stray hairs behind my ear and say, "Excuse me?"
     "Lost," she clarifies, jerking her chin in the direction of the game store. Hakeem is showing Lost how to play a demo game. "She's good with kids, huh?"
     The incident with the pregnant doctor comes to mind. I imagine Lost would be a great mom. Scary to any outsiders, but great. "Yeah, she's good."
     Emma sighs and starts to wiggle her foot. "I want kids. I mean, someday," she adds. "What about you?"
     "Me? Kids?" I scoff. "Not with my life."
     "If you could, though, would you?"
     I did think about having kids at one point, but that was before I was immersed with my job at the Facility. To have kids now wouldn't be fair. Any child of mine would have to grow up with a nanny half the time and be fearful that their mom might not come home. That's no way to raise a child. If that weren't the issue, though...
     "I would, I think," I eventually say. "If I were home more often. I'd like that."
     "Well if you do have a baby I'll be happy to babysit," Emma jokes.
     Chuckling, I relax in my seat and stretch out my legs. I doubt I'll be having a baby at all, but the dream is nice. "What about Cas? She doesn't seem like the mommy type."
     Emma laughs. "She's sweeter than you think. But I don't think she wants kids. I mean, I haven't brought the subject up but we're young, you know? We have time to decide."
     "That's true." I wonder how Cas would be as a mom. All her shirts stained with spit up and her new language baby talk.
     "Not that you don't have time," Emma tells me, her cheeks rosy. "I didn't mean to say you're too old or whatever..."
     "No, that's fine." I know I'm not old, I'm not offended. Emma has good intentions. She's a sweet girl and would make a wonderful mother. I hope she gets the family she wants one day.
     "Kahlan!" Lost calls out, running up to me. She skids to a stop directly in front of me and smiles. "Can I buy a game system?"
     That's a surprise. "A game system?" I ask.
     "Yes. If I get one I can get this game and play with Hakeem online. Apparently we can play together and battle people around the world! Isn't that amazing?"
     Lost's enthusiasm makes me smile, and I take out my wallet to give her our special credit card. "Sure."
     Lost squeals and takes the card. Then, shocking and embarrassing me, she pecks me on the lips before running back into the store. I sit there, face red hot and body frozen. To be fair I never told Lost to hide her affections for me. But I didn't expect her to do something like that right in front of Emma.
     "Oh, my God..." Emma gasps. "Did she just...?"
     I cover my mouth with my hand, horrified. "Please don't tell anyone."
     Emma gapes at me. She starts and restarts sentences and blinks in surprise. "Are you two... together?" she finally manages to ask.
     "Please, please, don't tell anyone," I plead, dropping my hand. "No one can find out."
     Unexpectedly, Emma throws her head back and laughs. My face gets hotter and I can guess that my skin is as red as my hair.
     "I didn't even think you were gay!" Emma laughs heartily, drawing the attention of a passing family. "Lost? I guessed. But you? I never would have thought."
     I hush Emma the best I can so people will quit staring at us, but her giggles just won't stop. "Emma, please," I beg. "This isn't a joke."
     "I know, I know," she manages, blowing out a tuft of air and wiping under her eyes. "I'm not making fun of you, really. I'm just surprised."
     I wipe my forehead nervously and sigh. "Just... don't tell anyone, okay?"
     "I promise I won't. I really have no right to. It's none of my business." She shrugs. "Besides, Cas and I started our relationship similarly."
     I exhale audibly, relieved. "Thank you."
     "No problem." Emma makes a zipping motion over her mouth and throws away an invisible key. She allows me to sit in silence for a while, but then makes me groan by asking, "How long have you been having this little affair?"
     "It's not an affair," I respond, rolling my eyes.
     "So not very long, then?"
     I mentally demand that Lost hurry up with her purchases because, wow, this is uncomfortable. "Honestly it's still very fresh for me and I wish you wouldn't make light of it. Your relationship with Cas is fine, but mine with Lost is heavily implied to remain professional."
     Emma's eyes pinch, then she looks away. "You must like her a lot to take the risk."
     "I... I do."
     She bobs her head slowly and bites her cheek. "I'm happy for you. Don't worry, your secret's safe with me."
     Finally, Lost and Hakeem come out of the store as I say, "Thank you." Lost is carrying a big bag in her arms while Hakeem has a small one. I smile at them and stand, and encourage Emma to pick the next store since she was the one that needed to come here in the first place.
     Emma walks along and talks with Hakeem about what he bought while Lost saddles up next to me. "Are you okay?" she asks softly. "I felt your pain but you were talking to Emma. You looked like you were handling it."
     That's the first time, I think, that Lost hasn't come to my rescue immediately. She truly must be growing. "Yeah," I tell her. "I handled it."
     "So there's nothing I should do?"
     "No, no. Well..." I step closer to her and touch her arm softly. "From now on, when we're with Cas or Mariam or with anyone having to do with the Facility, you can't kiss me, okay?" I feel bad about asking but Emma knowing is enough. "I don't want us to get in trouble."
     Lost frowns. "I made trouble for you by giving you a kiss then, didn't I?"
     "Yes," I admit. "But Emma won't tell. Just... Use your best judgment when you want to show me affection. Is that okay?"
She nods. "Of course. I don't want us to get in trouble, either. But at home I can do more, yes?"
     I chuckle. Lost is really loving her new freedom of expression. "Yes, you can."
     Lost grins and walks along with her head a little higher. She hugs her purchases and stays by my side as we journey through the mall to help Emma buy clothes and shoes and make up, some of it for Cas, as she says. Hakeem is a good sport about it all and doesn't complain once. I think it's because Lost used our credit card to buy him two more games that he wanted. She has a big heart.
     When Emma finishes off her shopping, we all trek to the food court to get something to eat before heading home. Lost has a ball trying to decide what to eat with Hakeem, and they laugh and joke before picking tacos. Emma and I chose subs, then we all find an empty table to eat at.
     "Thanks for lunch," Hakeem says as we sit down. "And the games. I don't know how to repay you guys."
     Emma chuckles and hands out napkins. "Don't worry about it. We're happy to have you with us."
     "Yeah," Lost agrees. "You're a part of mine. I'll always be here for you."
     Hakeem rolls his eyes but I notice him trying to hide a shy smile. "You're so weird," he mumbles.
     Lost wiggles her eyebrows and steals Hakeem's hot sauce, making him stick out his tongue. Emma and I laugh at their silliness, and I'm glad that we decided to go out today. It's nice to have friends to hang out with. Maybe my stress some time ago about not having a social life was unfounded. Neighbors can be friends, too.
     "That lady keeps staring at us," Hakeem whispers out of nowhere, cheese and taco meat falling from his mouth.
Emma hands him another napkin as Lost turns around to see who he's talking about. I turn, too, but don't notice anyone suspicious.
     "She is not shy," Lost says, her voice deeper than usual. She's in protect mode. "I'm going to see what she wants."
I grab Lost's arm before she can leave and pull her down to me to whisper, "We're in public. Don't do anything unnecessary."
     She nods firmly then goes to investigate the mysterious onlooker. I refocus on my lunch, not too concerned. Lost can be intense but I trust her not to do anything drastic. Besides, the woman watching us is probably some poor soul thinking too hard and zoning out.
     "She's scary sometimes," Hakeem comments.
     "Only sometimes," I agree.
     "She reminds me of my dad. He's scary, too, but only to other people. He'd never hurt me."
     I wipe my mouth with a napkin. "He sounds great. You're a lucky guy."
     "You're lucky, too."
     Smiling, I open my mouth to say something else but Lost comes back to the table. She looks frustrated.
     "She's gone," she says childishly. "I couldn't find her."
     I pat her shoulder soothingly. "It's okay. It was probably no one."
     She grunts and then we all continue eating again. Hakeem talks more about his new games and how much fun he thinks they'll be and Emma listens to him, peppering the boy with questions, which he clearly loves. Lost, on the other hand, has gone silent, the rest of her lunch untouched. She never leaves a meal untouched.
     I lean in to her and rub her forearm. "What's wrong?"
     She grunts, then turns to me, face frighteningly serious. "I smelled magic, and a lot of it."
     Without thinking I touch the back of my neck, where Lost cut my hair to give to that old woman, the witch. Has she finally decided what favor she wants from me? If that's the case, why stalk me? Something doesn't feel right, and the look on Lost's face tells me I should be worried.