Chain Me

As She Sleeps

     The doctor stepping to Lost's bedside makes enough noise checking her vitals that I snort awake and almost fall out of my chair. The doctor apologizes but I'm not upset. For the last four nights I've been having a dream part nightmare that I wish would go away. The kid that Lost saved told her story about what happened in that burned house, and I keep having dreams about the tale mixed with my own subconscious spin on things. I keep seeing Lost getting shot in the thigh and stomach, keep seeing her protecting those children and getting stabbed by a falling chunk of wood. The little girl said Lost begged her to use her budding magic to help them all live until someone could unearth them. I wouldn't have believed it but... they're all alive.
     When the doctor leaves I scrub my face as my stomach grumbles for something to eat. Everything in my dreams have been nightmarish up to the end, where Lost talks directly to me. She tells me I'll be okay and that she cares for me. In my heart I feel it's true and I'm almost at peace, but then she begins to decay and I wake up to find her still unconscious in her hospital bed, hooked up to machines she doesn't understand, tubes in her that she's sure to hate.
     "You're going to have to eat," Emma tells me, sitting down in the empty seat beside me. Her, Cas, and Mariam have been taking turns watching over Lost and me, but mostly me. They want to make sure I sleep and eat. They want to make sure I don't do something stupid.
     I rub my eyes and shake my head. "I had something earlier."
     "... That was yesterday."
     "I'm not hungry."
     Emma hands over a sandwich wrapped in plastic. "Lost would be really upset if you starved yourself."
     I sigh and start unwrapping the sandwich. "Every time you use that one, and every time I fall for it."
     Emma chuckles and passes me a bottled juice. "That's why I keep using it. Besides, it's true."
     "I know. But it sucks that she's not the one telling me."
     "She'll wake up. She will."
     Though there's food in my mouth I don't have the strength to chew so I let it sit pressed to my inner cheek. My eyes fall on Lost and her battered body, all the things stuck in her to keep her alive, fed. Her head is bandaged from having been hit by falling debris and her face still has light burns from whatever she dealt with before I arrived. The bullet wounds to her leg and belly went through and through so they were bandaged up nicely, though she did lose a lot of blood, almost too much. The worst injury she sustained was a pipe skewering her in the shoulder. The doctor said it was touch and go for a bit but he managed to remove it without causing any damage.
     I exhale heavily through my nose and finally chew my spit soaked mouthful. The doctor said he didn't know how long Lost would be out but that she definitely would recover. That's thanks to the consent I gave the doctor to inject Lost with the serum, but only a half dose. I know Lost said before that she didn't want it but I figured this was a life or death situation and she'd appreciate the help.
     "How have you been sleeping?" Emma asks quietly, but still her voice seems so loud among the beeps and wheezes of machinery.
     I take another bite of my sandwich and force myself to chew and swallow. "Terribly. I had the dream again." Emma was the only person I could tell because she's the only one who knows about Lost and I.
     She nods and leans forward a bit. "It's just your mind trying to cope. You do believe she'll wake up, don't you?"
     "Of course I do." I rewrap the rest of my sandwich and crack open the juice. "It's just... I thought she was dead. I really did."
     "I know. Cas told me."
     "I thought she was crushed. Emma, I wanted her to come back to me but she didn't. She's never ignored me like that. She would have been fine if she just listened."
     Emma rubs my back softly. "Then those kids would have died." She stops touching me when I flinch away from her. Then she sighs. "You were teaching her to be independent, weren't you?"
     I throw my hand out. "And look where it got her."
     "Yes, she got hurt, but she was doing what she thought was right. She's so good at heart, Kahlan. She covered those children and allowed herself to be knocked out, stabbed, shot. She did that because you helped her to learn to make choices. Her choice was a pure one, don't you think? She's naturally a hero and you brought it out in her. Don't believe that's a bad thing."
     Deep down I know Emma's right, but still I'm illogically upset that Lost hadn't listened to me. Didn't she feel how distressed I was? She must have, yet she continued on. Obviously I'm glad that she saved Cas and those children, but the mind likes to sabotage itself sometimes, I guess.
     My attention is brought to the door as someone fills the space, and I lay eyes on the General. Emma pats my arm then mumbles that she's going to look for Cas. She leaves, skirting the General on her way out.
     "General," I greet him. I'm not in the mood for any of this so I don't bother standing or trying to meet him halfway.
     He stares at Lost, his eyes lingering on her feeding tube. "We need to talk."
     "Then talk."
     After a moment, the General grunts then takes Emma's chair and moves it so it's facing me a few feet away. He sits his bulking frame in it and waits for me to look at him. "Your... free time activities have caused a stir with my colleagues."
     "I didn't ask for this," I snap. But I bring back my tone when I see I'm out of line and sigh. None of this is the General's fault. I shouldn't take it out on him. "What are they saying?"
     "Good men and women died for you."
     "They didn't die for me. I didn't want any of that to happen. I didn't know it would happen."
     "I know that and everyone personally involved knows it. But on paper you were the one that set this up with almost no time to fully prepare and a flimsy plan."
     My jaw clenches and I squeeze the arms of my chair. "Lost was in danger. Your investment was in danger," I add sourly.
     The General makes a strange noise that sounds like judgment. "I understand that you're close to her-"
     "She would have died," I emphasize. "If we hadn't showed up to help she'd be dead."
     "One life for about a dozen. How do you think that sounds to my superiors?"
     "I didn't mean for them to die," I repeat.
     The General sighs. "I know. But, honestly, that's not what I'm getting the most pressure for."
     "Then what is?" I don't think I could have done anything worse then cause men and women to lose their lives with my half cocked crusade.
     "Soldiers are replaceable, we understand that. But we finally identified all the corpses and I just got a call from someone that's none to happy that a name was not on that list."
     Confused, I stare at the General. "I'm in trouble for not killing someone?"
     The General looks a little confused himself, but he nods. "It appears that you accidentally stumbled upon an ongoing investigation. Those terrorists were being watched for a while and their leader is on a lot of lists. You completely blew months of work."
     "Well the cult is gone so they should be happy," I grumble.
     "Yes but the important people are now in the wind. Some people are asking for your job."
     I scoff. "We don't even exist. Technically, I don't have a job."
     "This is serious. All you had to do was stay at the apartment and keep low. Now there's questions being asked that we don't want being asked. There's already conspiracy theories being thrown around about what really happened on that property."
     "Who cares what some basement babies talk at their computers?"
     Shaking his head, the General stands and rights himself. "I'm sorry, Kahlan. This is bigger than you. When Lost recovers she's going to be put back underground."
     "You can't do that!" That's not fair. That's not fair.
     "It's already decided."
     "General," I plead. "You know this isn't right. None of this was her fault. You can't put her back in that cage. All of this was... was..." How could this be happening? Lost did nothing wrong. It's not like she wanted to be kidnapped by some lunatics. And she just can't go back into the white room. She loves being outside, the city, the stars and sky. Hell, she sees beauty in the weeds that grow in the cracks on the sidewalk. I'm not going to deprive her of any of that.
     "All of this was a mistake. Lost should never have been allowed into the populace and you should never have been given any authority. Your career is over."
     I burst out of my chair and stutter for the right words. What is happening right now? There have been much worse things to occur, I know that for a fact. Why am I being punished so severely?
     "You should leave," the General says. He steps close to me and grabs my hand to shake. "I'm sorry." Then, utterly surprising me, he gives me a rough hug and whispers, "Read it in the bathroom." With those last words he gives me a nod and leaves the room.
     I clench the hand he shook and crumple the paper he secretly passed to me. Something more is going on here but I won't be able to find out until I use the bathroom.
     Wiping my moist eyes, I take a deep breath and sit back down. It would be too suspicious for me to go right now so I'll wait until some time passes. Whatever's going on here, I'm going to deal with and make sure Lost and I will be in the city, free, by the time it's over.

     "What is this?" I bark, slapping the crumpled paper on the desk.
     The General doesn't react to my outburst aside from leaning back in his chair. "That was my way of making sure you didn't cry too hard when I left."
     I tip my head back and scrub my face, absolutely astonished. "I hate you so much right now." I can't believe he put me through that, the bastard. I did cry, by the way, harder than I'd like to admit. I thought I truly was fired and Lost would be shoved into a hole somewhere never to be seen again.
     The General chuckles gruffly and motions for me to sit. But I refuse, still upset, and he holds his calloused hands up in surrender. "It needed to be done. People wanted you gone so I did that. They got what they wanted and I got what I wanted."
     "And what was that, huh?" I snap, exhaling and gripping the back of one of the chairs before the General's desk with all my might. This week's events are going to give me a stress ulcer.
     "We still need you and Lost here. Only now you'll be kept off the books. Consider that my gift to you."
     "How is that a gift?"
     "Well for one, no more paperwork."
     I snort and shake my head. "That's pretty good."
     "There's a drawback, though..."
     "Of course," I grumble. But I roll my hand for him to tell me about it.
     "Now that you know about... magic, you're-"
     "Wait, wait, wait," I interrupt. "You know about it? You believe?"
     "Of course I do. I wouldn't have allowed you to take Lost up top otherwise."
     I throw my arms out and groan. "Seriously? You let me figure this out on my own? Do you know how hard it was figuring out Lost's rules? Christ, General."
     He nods along to my rant and waits for me to finish. "I understand, but magic and monsters aren't our forte. The fact that we got Lost before the experts did was dumb luck."
     A small headache starts at the base of my skull. "I'm..." So Lost was right about secrets within secrets. Honestly, I should stop dismissing her when she says weird stuff like that. "Just tell me about the drawback."
     "That's just it," the General sighs. "The experts want Lost now, and they have every right to take her."
     Here it comes, I can feel the ulcer. "Please tell me you're joking. You already said Lost was being taken and I hate you for it. General," I add to be a little more professional.
     "I'm serious. They were the ones that suggested this fake off. They helped you, but mostly they helped themselves. With you 'fired' and Lost ripe for the taking, well..."
     "I'm not letting that happen," I declare firmly. "They can't take her. She works for us. She likes being with us."
     "I'm aware. But they have jurisdiction here. We work with GMOs, they work with... her kind. Now that the secret's out they can claim her."
     Finally, I decide to sit, not feeling very safe on my feet. "What... What are they going to do with her? If she's going to be doing what we have her doing, then she can stay with us, right?"
     "Wrong."
     My head drops and I rest my elbows on my knees. "This can't be happening."
     "I'm sorry."
     "How... Am I going with her?"
     The General scratches the hollow of his cheek. "Nothing is solid. All they've asked for is her but the wheels aren't in motion yet."
     My head snaps up. "So... We can do something, right? We can, I don't know, negotiate or bribe or- or..."
     "I don't know, Kahlan. All I got was the call. I'm obligated to follow orders but you don't work here so, I suppose, you're not held back by the red tape I am."
     A twinkle of hope enters me. "I am a free agent. If I wanted, I suppose, I could talk to these people. Where would I find them?"
     The General smirks and nods in approval. "That's classified," he says, but fetches a pen and notepad. He scribbles something quickly then leans over his desk to hand it to me.
     "Thank you," I say sincerely.
     He waves his hand. "I didn't do anything. And the big guys are gone so you can go back to Lost and be there for her. But after she's healed and whatever happens with the experts happens, you can't come back here. Ever. We'll communicate through calls and Mariam."
     I nod, accepting that. That was essentially already happening. "Thank you," I say again.
     He grunts. "Everything will be the same. We still need you with us... Even if Lost is taken from you."
     Stuffing the paper in my pocket, I stand and nod firmly. Hopefully things really will be the same, Lost and all. I don't think I'd continue to be an effective worker if Lost were gone. She's too important to me. I'm going to talk to these so called experts and make sure they back the hell off. Lost is mine, and that's how it's going to stay.