Chain Me

Theories Tested

     "This is ridiculous," I tell the General, throwing a hand up and crossing my legs at the knee.
     "It's not," Mariam counters, tapping the General's desk. "You weren't there. You didn't see it. I say she's telling the truth. How could she make something like that up?"
     "By lying."
     Mariam holds back a scoff and ends up blowing air from her nose. "Then explain what happened today," she challenges. "Explain what's been happening."
     I recline in my seat and sigh. "I was just the first voice she heard in a strange place is all."
     Adjusting her glasses, Mariam looks to the General. "You saw the footage. That wasn't simple imprinting. That was something more."
     The General, silent this whole time as Mariam and I argued, grunts. He thinks silently in his chair, his brow low and his frown wrinkles more prominent than usual. "I don't think she's lying," he finally says.
     I groan then lean forward. "Tell me you're joking. There's no way something like... this exists. She has to be playing some type of game."
     "I saw the collar," Mariam puts in, annoyingly. "When her friend died, she took it off. I'd say it really is this, I don't know, talisman. She did everything her friend told her to. She didn't do a thing until she got permission."
     "There's no way a... a... collar can give someone that kind of power, and take away someone else's," I protest. "That's impossible. This has to be a delusion of hers."
     "A delusion that gives her abnormal abilities?" Mariam questions, crossing her arms loosely over her stomach.
     "People like this just don't exist!"
     Mariam's arms tighten. "Then what is she? Who is she? You make people like her, Kahlan. Why is this so hard to believe for you? You must have been down in this hole too long."
     I huff and fall back in my chair, giving Mariam a hard look. "Are you saying you've encountered things like her up top?"
     "I'm saying I'm not surprised she exists. Maybe Cas's belief in magic has made me open minded, but I believe this. I believe her."
     "I don't know if I can," I sigh. "She obviously believes her story, but I don't know if I do."
     "Then let's test it," the General chimes in, surprising both Mariam and I. "Let's indulge her and go through with this ritual and see what happens."
     Mariam nods. "There's no harm in it."
     "What if this is a delusion?" I ask. "We could be pushing her further into this fantasy when we could be helping her. With her gifts, she needs to be mentally stable."
     "We'll help her," the General says, "but only if this really is a delusion. We're going to test it."
     "General," I plead. If Lost is having problems, I want to help her, not make her worse. She's clearly already far into her fantasy, if that's what it is.
     "You can lead this or be completely shut out," the General tells me. "It's your choice."
     Well I didn't expect that. "Lead this?"
     "Yes," he confirms. "You're clearly the only person that can get close enough to her to try this. So are you going to do it, or do I have to find someone else?"

                                                  -------------------------

     My meal is almost tasteless with how I'm feeling. Though I told Kahlan everything about me, I knew just from the look on her face that she didn't quite believe. If anything, by the way her brows lifted and scrunched together, she thought I was crazy.
     Sighing, I keep eating even though I'm basically swallowing without chewing. I'm not all that hungry, but I know I need the nutrients. I don't want to draw any more attention to myself, either, which stopping eating will do. I just have pretend that I don't feel like there's tar gunk in my heart.
     When I'm finished eating I push my tray to the end of the table the way I always do, then I lay down in bed. My functions are all fine, the drugs already out of my system, but I'm not in the mood to do anything. I should probably try to work off some energy. That'd be the smart thing to do, anyway.
     As I get up to sit on the edge of my bed, contemplating whether or not to at least do a few quick stretches, the door to my room buzzes and clicks. My head snaps up and I watch with curious eyes as Kahlan makes her way in. Alone. But she's holding a canvas bag with something solid in it.
     "You're finished?" she asks, pointing vaguely towards my food tray.
     There's still a bit of food left but not enough that it would make anyone believe that I'm having trouble eating. "Yes," I say softly, nervous. I don't know why Kahlan is here and I'm self conscious now.
Kahlan takes up my tray and walks back to the door, waiting for it to be opened before she hands it out to someone outside. Then she lets the door lock and turns back to the table. She drops the canvas bag down atop it, the thing clunking with the weight of whatever is inside, and she sighs and leans over the table, using her fingertips as support.
Gripping the side of my bed, I ask, "Are you okay?"
     She tenses, then relaxes and spins to face to me. Her face is strange. "You tell me."
     I hesitate, and swallow. "You don't look okay."
     "If you already knew then why did you ask?"
     "Because..." Something is happening, but what, I don't know. "Because I want to help if you're not okay."
     "Did you read my thoughts to know how I feel?"
     I jerk back, a little hurt. "No, of course not. You said your thoughts were yours. They will stay yours."
     Kahlan's eyes narrow, but then her face goes soft and she looks to the bag she brought with her. "Do you really believe this?" she asks.
     I cock my head. "Believe what?"
     She lifts the canvas bag slightly and shakes it, letting the contents slide onto the table top. A sleek steel collar stares at me, its tiny d-rings shining in the light. The two half circles that make up the industrial looking thing are held together by a black hinge.
     Immediately I stand, my palms instantly clammy and my mouth dry. "You will claim me?" I whisper, big eyes on the collar.
     "I... will."
     "Do you want to?"
     Kahlan pauses. She grips the empty canvas bag and her jaw tightens. "I want to see if this is true."
     That wasn't an answer to my question. "You don't have to do this," I tell her. As much as I want it, this has to be mutual. If she doesn't want this to happen then it won't.
     "If I don't," she mumbles, "someone else will."
     I puff out my chest and lift my chin. "I won't let them."
     She blinks at me, then a tiny smile makes her lips wobble. "Of course you won't."
     I smile back, sincerely, then wait. At first, Kahlan says nothing, does nothing, for a long while. Then she seems to shake herself and come back to reality. Sucking in a breath, she picks up the collar and takes a step towards me.
     "The collar doesn't matter, right?" she asks, fingering it. "This was all we had on hand. We used it for..." she trails off before adding, "It doesn't matter."
     "It will work," I say, pushing my hair off my shoulders and exposing my neck. "If your intent is at the forefront of your mind, it will work."
     "What is my intent?"
     "To make me yours."
     Eyes softening, Kahlan whispers, "You are yours."
     The words are surprising, and I feel funny as her gaze holds mine. No one has ever told me that. Ever. I have always been property and it's strange to have someone contradict that.
     "Let's do this, then," Kahlan sighs, lifting the collar to me. She opens it, the steel springing apart to look like robot pincers. Gently, she encircles my neck with it, careful of my hair. There's a moment of hesitation on her part and she moves the collar around so the little locking clasp is between us, but she doesn't close it.
     "If you're unsure," I tell her, "Don't. I won't have you doing something you don't want."
     "What if my intent is not to make you mine?" she asks instead.
     That's an odd question. "What do you want, then?"
     "To keep you safe," she says, a second before shutting the collar and stepping back from me.
     An unfamiliar sensation sets my skin alight and I find myself shaking uncontrollably. Never have I felt this way when being claimed, and it makes my blood feel like flowing electricity. I drop to a knee without wanting to and hold onto the floor for balance. The usual reboot that runs through me isn't happening the way it's supposed to. I'm not just getting a reboot, I'm getting an upgrade. I can sense it as easily as I breathe, and by the Gods it feels good.
     For the first time in my life, after being collared, I don't say 'Command me, mistress.' Instead, with a laugh in my throat, I look up at Kahlan and say, "Have you done this before?"