Alex has been looking for a sign from the universe. A sign to tell him that he needs to keep fighting. To live on for his brother who died in a tragic car accident.
When Alex stumbles across a man in town wearing a blindfold, holding a sign that say...
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I haven't heard from Alex in four days. Four days.
Even when I sent him that text message the day after he found out about the allegations, I asked for him to tell me that he's okay. That's all I care about right now, is to know that he's okay and not spiralling into a dark place. Not like last time.
I can't be the reason why he's fallen into that black pit.
My chest has felt heavy for days. I can't sleep. I check my phone constantly. But not one text. Nothing and I don't think he's at the apartment because I haven't heard or seen him leave or come back. Unless he's shut himself away and that idea makes my stomach churn painfully.
The thought of him being alone.
Especially after the news that three people have been arrested for Liam's murder. Social media has been crazy along with some stupid news articles with the most ridiculous headlines.
He's bound to know by now and I pray that he's gone to see his father at least, so he's not alone.
The hole in my heart keeps getting bigger and bigger as the minutes tick by.
I don't know what else I was expecting when I betrayed his trust. I hate myself so much more as the days roll over and over until I forget when I last showered, when I even had a decent meal.
I've been in contact with Daisy and told her the situation. She had strong words with me over the phone but I really didn't need her to kick me whilst I was already down–maybe I deserved it. I definitely deserved it.
Rub the salt in the wounds and make me deal with the shit I've caused and the fear that I can never fix it. But after the stern voice, she became calmer and told me that I need to give it time. That if I truly love Alex, I have to prove it after what I've done.
He won't believe me. He didn't even let me say the words.
It was a poor time to say it and not once did I want him to think I was gaslighting him.
I was desperate. Stupidly desperate and I let it cloud my judgement of what was the right thing to say. But all of it went wrong, there wasn't the correct thing to say.
Demi messaged me a few days ago to see how I was holding up. I know she felt guilty for holding this secret too but she doesn't despise me for it. She's been trying to console me.
She said that Luca was still angry at the situation, at both of us, and our friendship group completely fallen apart. No one had heard from Mason–I should definitely keep it that way before I knock all of his teeth out for doing that to Alex.
And now I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. Pathetically helpless.
Work has been a drag and I'm only going to keep myself busy, otherwise I'd be at home staring at the walls. Today has been one of the worst days because I keep fucking everything up, nothing goes right and I know everyone keeps looking at me and asking if I'm okay. I brush it off claiming that I'm tired because I don't want to explain myself to anyone.
