driving and detriment; norris

. 18 sorry secrets

The show
Niall Horan

     "Meadow, this is Lando.

I'm not texting you to hurt you even more, or to beg for your forgiveness. I just want to explain myself, and answer your accusations.

You told me that I always ignore you, but I want you to know that that's nothing personal. I'm very shy, so I have a hard time opening up to strangers. So when we first met, I just spoke to Daniel because we're already friends, and it scared me to talk to you. Not because I hate you, but because I was too shy to speak to you.

You also called me arrogant, probably also because I ignored you a lot. For that I have no real explanation, except that once I realised who your friends are, I tried to keep my distance a little. But that was before I got to know you, and I realised how wrong I was. So I tried to talk to you more, but by then you already hated me, I guess. 

I think, what I need to explain the most, is why I was so mean to you and your friends. Because you're right, I'm only mean to the three of you. I don't expect you to understand, or to even want to hear me out. I don't even know if you're still reading at this point. But I have to explain, for my own sake. 

Last year, Olive and Ruby entered the paddock, and they quickly became friends with a lot of people. They were, and still are unfortunately, at every party. I never really got to know them that much, but some of the drivers did, so I was friendly to them. 

One night, after a race, I went out with some guys of the team. Obviously, I was pretty drunk, but not drunk enough to forget my boundaries. Olive kept talking to me, and eventually she tried to kiss me. I pushed her away but she kept trying. After that I kept my distance from them.

A few races later, we were at a party a someone's house. This time I was actually wasted, so it took me a while to react. Ruby approached me, and out of nowhere she kissed me and started gripping me, down there. When I realised it, I pushed her away, obviously. But after that I decided I wanted nothing more to do with the two of them ever again.

So that's why I never gave you a real chance, because you're friends with the two of them. But when we spent more time together, and because Daniel and Max keep talking about you, I started seeing that you're nothing like the two of them. And I actually like you, Meadow. So I tried to come up with more excuses to talk to you, but most of the time our conversations made you mad. 

That time at the club in Austria, it made me so jealous to see you talking to that guy, so I took you apart. And then in the paddock, I tried to make a joke, but I got so nervous from all the reporters there, that it came out totally wrong. 

Do you remember Baku? I overheard you and Heidi talking, and I heard you tell her that you hated me. That threw me off so much, that I stormed off during lunch.

I'm sorry Meadow, I never meant to hurt you. And if you don't want to believe me, that's fine. I just wanted to tell you this to give you some sense of clarity. I'm sorry.

Lando"

After reading the message, the phone drops to the floor. It startles her friends, and they look up at her. 

"Meads?"

She gives them no chance to ask any questions, as she grabs her phone and runs off to the street. She bursts through the lobby's door and takes a big breath of fresh air, it feels like the first breath she's taken since she read the text. Walking a little further into the hills, she fumbles her hands through her hair.