Love Me When I'm Unlovable

Chapter 24: Rita

I can't stay here. I know that. I'm not going to let myself get rejected yet again. I stare at my phone, open to Presley's number. I run my hands through my hair, tugging at the strands a bit.

I welcome the pain that comes from it. It's pain that I've chosen, unlike the pain that my mind imparts. I sigh, letting my phone drop to my carpeted floor. It's not that I want to leave. But what am I supposed to do? No one wants a pregnant teen. I know this. And I'm not going to let myself be rejected. More importantly, I'm not going to risk the chance of another abortion.

I click the little call button under her name and wait while the line rings. And rings. And rings.

"Hello! This is Presley Slaughter. I'm not able to come to the phone at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep, and I'll do my best to get back to you. Thanks!" My lip curls. Presley's voicemail is so bright and cheery.

"Hey, Presley," I say, trying to force my voice to stop shaking. "Um. I have some things to tell you. But I'd really like it if you could get my placement moved as soon as possible. It's nothing the Corbins have done," I rush to say, because it's really not their fault. It's mine. "I just don't think it's a good match. But maybe don't tell them that I'm the one asking? Please? Call me back when you can."

After hanging up, I shake my head, rubbing my temples with my index and middle fingers.

"Rita!" LeAnna says brightly, throwing open the door. She stops in her tracks. "Rita?" She asks, a little less sure of herself. "Are you okay?" She pads in her light purple bunny slippers and sits on the bed next to me.

I take a deep breath, forcing a smile on my face. "Yeah. I'm okay."

I can tell my foster sister isn't convinced. "Okay. If you need to talk about anything, you know I'm here. Mom wants to take us out for ice cream, though. Like a girls' night out."

"Oh," I say, forcing a smile. "That sounds fun."

"Awesome!" LeAnna flashes a bright smile. "Get ready. We'll leave in like, fifteen minutes."

I nod. "Alright, cool. I'll be ready." That's her cue to leave so I can continue with my mental breakdown.

LeAnna nods slowly, getting up to leave. "And you're sure you're okay?"

I nod. "I'm fine. Thank you for your concern though."

"Hey," LeAnna protests. "I'm entitled to my concern. I'm your older sister."

My voice catches in my throat, and I just nod. Once you find out what I've done, then we'll see.

LeAnna's brow furrows in concern. "Is something wrong? You seem more out of it than usual."

I can't do this. Tears threaten my eyes, tugging at my heart. I pull my legs up to my chest, burying my head in my knees. I can feel LeAnna's hands on my back, rubbing in circles. But instead of feeling comforting, her hands feel like a lie. What am I supposed to do?

That night, I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and questioning everything. Nothing has ever been concrete in my life, and I don't know why I thought this would be.

I roll over and bury my head in my pillow, letting the tears I'd been holding in all night out in a barrage. My lungs ache as my chest heaves, and my throat is raw. I'm sure my eyes are red. I raise my bed and sit up. I'm a survivor. I've made it this far, and I'll make it till the end. I just have to keep going, even if it means not being here. They'll never accept me after they find out what happened. I know that. I can't stay here. So what if my mental health is crappy? It's been crappy since forever, and I'm still here.