if i don't say this i'll explode // a book of poetry

// entry three //

2:02 am, the 3rd of June on a Wednesday

// unfair: it's as if the path i've chosen is one that automatically pins me as a horrible person. as if there was a secret panel or discussion board that surveyed me 24/7 and as soon as i chose to believe in something that was an abnormality, it was as if the world was about to end and they decided that so was i. //

// absence: it was extremely uncalled for that you left, that you became an absence. and as much as i try and justify the reasons for you to stay i come to realise how stupid i sound and how selfish i seem. you're chasing your dream, you're chasing a path laid out for you, your destiny and what am i doing? typing on keys that have been tear-soaked for months on my living room couch at 2:02am because i miss you and i was terrified to let you know of it. //

// dehydration: my mouth is dry, my eyes no longer water when i become emotional. and i don't know if it's from not drinking enough water or if it's simply from excessive swallowing and crying because it's all i seem to be doing lately. i'm trying to get through each day twenty four hours at a time and i'm having trouble trying to find things to pass the time. //