I was so excited at first
To meet you
Shaking your hand
Getting to know you
Who and what you are
What you stand for
What your beliefs were
It seemed too surreal
I could tell right from the start
I wanted us to be great...great friends
Friends that could tell each other anything
Friends that would talk long nights on the phone
Friends that had each others' back until the end
I still don't know what it was about you
Yet that's what I deeply desired
Thinking about it every time I saw you
However...
I caught on to your antics quickly
Saying things about me I didn't feel were right
Things that gave me a weird sensation in my body
But I kept playing it off
Thinking maybe you were joking at first
Still trying my best to impress you
Though it continued
I didn't understand why you kept doing this
I tried so hard to be nice
Always asking how you were and doing favours
Maybe I shouldn't talk to you
That's what I realized quickly on
Maybe I'm lonely
Maybe I'm insecure
But I couldn't deny there were great moments as well
That's what kept me stuck
Those good moments that we shared
Laughing and hanging out
Talking about life
Me thinking this was the right thing
And the cycle continued
So I started saying nasty things back
I'll admit it up front
I am far from innocent here
Saying things I regret
And I apologize for that
We even got so heated we took a hiatus
Didn't talk for months on end
Not even a hello or goodbye
We both have our own issues
But the resentment I grew for you got worse
I was so mad at you
An unhealthy amount of anger
I couldn't get over all the times I tried to be nice
Mad at myself for even entertaining the friendship in the first place
Knowing deep down we should have stopped talking long ago
Yet somehow...
Someway...
Our friendship started up again
I thought after everything we went through
You'd be respectful and kind to me
That we'd be able to put the past behind us
It started off good again
More laughing and hanging out
Talking more about life
Me forgiving you for everything
But you went back to your old ways eventually
You make me feel so...so low about myself
That I'm a nobody
That I'm nothing
I just want to go home and cry myself to sleep
Knowing you don't care
That you don't lose any sleep over what you said
Always saying the same sentence
"That's just who I am as a person"
Claiming I took it the wrong way
That I need to be more open-minded
This is not a healthy friendship
Toxic doesn't even describe how we are
All we do is bring each other down
Tearing each other apart
And so one day it just became too much
You said something more harsh than ever before
Something that I felt sick to my stomach
It was at that moment I knew
I'm sorry...
But I can't do this anymore
I need people in my life who bring me up
Not people who make me feel like a pile of trash
Keeping me up at night
Tossing and turning in my bed
Thinking this is all my fault
That I'm not a good person
And so it's time for me to move on
As bad as it feels
This time for good
There's no going back
After I finish this poem
It's now a one-way road
And I can't make a U-turn
Even though you made me so mad
Brought tears to my eyes
I hope you have a good life
And that you succeed at what you do
But now I'm gone
Because it just so happens
That you've hurt me
One too many times
