To all the happy people in the world
This poem is for you
And believe me
I'm aware that not everyone is happy
Not even close
But to the individuals who are truly content with their lives
Truly devoted to getting out of bed in the morning and pursuing their loving goals
Truly ready to live life to the fullest
I envy you
As bad as it sounds
I want to be you
I know this is a me problem
But I want to swap shoes for the day
I'll admit it
Straight up
Even if it sounds like self-pity
It does get under my skin
Seeing your smiles...
Seeing you young couples holding hands...
Seeing you guys throwing the football around in the summer sun...
All while I rot away in frustration and loneliness
Wondering as to how you're able to socialize so easily
Without crippling anxiety
Call me salty
Call me bitter
Call me immature
But I'm not happy for you
There are over seven billion people on this bloody planet
Yet I just can't seem to connect with others as you can
The way you go out for movies
The way you laugh and talk
The way you smile like every day is your last
And believe me
Again...
I'm aware deep down this is a me problem
Aware that I'm the one who can't adjust to society
And how I'm crying a raging river right now
But that doesn't change the way I feel about you
This feeling of hopelessness and despair
Seething through every vein in my body
For as long as I can possibly remember
Every day that goes by
I think about all the time I've wasted
All the years that have gone by like a blur
The same years I'll never get back
Wishing that I didn't let my anxiety control me like a puppet on a string
So I hope that one day
After everything I've let get to me
I can be just like you
