Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader One Shots

relapse | A/F

Nat x daughter
Reader's age: 15

Warnings: mentions of sh, eating disorder

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Readers pov:
A year ago my mom found out that I was harming myself. On the same day I told her about my problems with eating.
Back then I'd keep count of all the calories I ate. It was so exhausting, honestly.

I'm way better now though. Mom, told me she'd always be there for me and she didn't break that promise. Every time I felt like relapsing she was there for me.

Harming myself hasn't been on my mind, at all. two to three months ago I stopped to feel the urge to cut or to harm myself in any way and let me tell you, it feels awesome.

Well, my eating disorder recovery is a whole different story. It was hard for me to accept that I needed help and needed to get better if I didn't want to die.

I started off small with 1 proper meal a day. Later on it turned into 2 meals and now I even eat snacks in between the meals.

Of course I still have some fear foods that I need to challenge. Like hot chocolate for example. I can eat ice cream and cake but a hot chocolate? Nope, haven't had the guts yet.

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I really really thought I was almost at the end of my recovery. I guess I was wrong there, hm.

Lately, I've been trying to skip a few meals without my mom noticing. I don't know if she still noticed though. Maybe she has?

She didn't talk to me about it yet so that's good, right? I don't know.

Maybe she's waiting for me to come around and tell her? I don't know about that either.

Either way, I don't really care. I just wanna eat a little less, you know. It's hard and it hurts to see that old pairs of jeans that I wore during my lowest point in my eating disorder don't fit me anymore.

I try not to look into the mirror too often because I know that what I'd see wouldn't be very pleasant for me.

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It's been a few weeks since I started to eat less. I can see some changes. My ribs are more visible now and my cheekbones stand out more but it's not enough. It's never enough.

Mom has been on a week long mission and is supposed to be back today. I'm a little anxious about that.

Mostly because I lost a big amount of weight this last week and she'll probably notice and be very disappointed. I don't want to disappoint her. Again.

I feel so helpless. On one side I just wanna lose all the fat on my body and just take control again but on the other side I know what I'm doing is wrong and that it's not even beautiful anymore.

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Mom just got back. Normally I'd run down the stairs straight into her arms after missions but I had no energy today.

I've just been laying in bed all day staring at the ceiling above me.

I didn't really notice someone entering the room until I heard someone say "Hey I knocked but I got no answer. You okay, sweetheart?". The soft and sweet voice of my mother filled my ears.

I've missed her. A small smile crept onto my face at the sound of her voice and her scent that was now filling my room.

"I'm fine... I think"

"Hmm well, I was thinking as my mission was a full success we could celebrate it with going to a restaurant?"

I felt so guilty, I didn't even ask her how her mission went. God, I'm so selfish.