I couldn't sleep even though the alcohol in my body was adding to the exhaustion I already felt.
I should text Anton and ask if I could talk to him soon in person, hoping not to lose him from my life completely, but decided to leave it for when I was sober.
The door of my bedroom opened quietly, and I heard faint whispering.
"Yeah, just leave it, Steph..." I heard his voice, but didn't turn to look at him. My heart was aching and I had no idea what to do. I needed to tell him about my feelings, since this really couldn't go on for any longer.
Cody closed the door behind him and also seemed to lock it, before I heard the shuffling of him removing his clothes.
I felt incredibly scared, even though I had known him for most of my life and had no trouble talking to him about anything else. There was a possibility of this ending so badly, and the thought of losing him as a friend was terrifying for me.
He left out a deep breath and carefully got underneath the duvet behind me.
"Hi," I cleared my throat quietly.
"Shit, sorry. Did I wake you?" He cleared his throat and shifted a little. I turned to face his side. It was too dark to see his features clearly, but he was there.
"No, I couldn't sleep," I whispered slowly, "Anton and I are done."
Cody was quiet for a moment, "seriously?"
"I told him you and I kissed, I had to," my voice sounded so quiet and weak, I hated the vulnerability in it at this moment.
He surprised me by scoffing, "best friends kiss when they're drunk. It doesn't mean anything. Why is he acting like such a bitch?"
Cody hadn't been nearly as drunk as I had been, though.
A tear slid down my cheek. He didn't understand that the kiss did mean more than just a simple drunken kiss on my part, because I loved him.
I felt like I was driven into a corner, not knowing how to get myself out safely or what else to do at this point.
"Kate was at the bar," Cody then cleared his throat.
"Oh."
"She's really into me," I heard the light grin in his voice, "I think we're going on a proper date tomorrow evening, since tonight wasn't really anything more than dry humping in a fucking bathroom."
He laughed quietly to himself. I felt disgusted with the thought of him having something with someone else, and also so incredibly disgusted with myself.
"Are you okay, Sofia?" His voice was much more relaxed now, his grin gone.
"Yes," I fought to keep any more tears at bay, "why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. If you're, uhm... if you're not okay with me, you know, dating Kate, you'll say something, won't you?"
There was a hidden emotion between his words, almost as if he wanted me to admit how I wasn't okay with it at all. Or maybe it was just how I had wanted to hear it.
I didn't have time to think of a reply before I found myself scrambling out of bed, and somehow managed to rush my way through the darkness and into the bathroom, where I kneeled down in front of the toilet and threw up.
"Shit..." I heard Cody muttering, sounding as if he had followed me.
My hair was gently brushed back by him, before he soothingly began running his fingers through it.
After a minute, I felt like I had nothing more to throw up, and let out a small sob.
"I'm a mess," I whispered, voice hoarse and throat sore. I really was an emotional mess right now.
"Hey, it's okay," Cody assured me, "let me get you a glass of water. Do you want to take a shower?"
He flushed the toilet and kneeled down beside me, still brushing gently through my hair. I nodded weakly, not meeting his intense eyes.
He helped me up, before turning the shower on for me and then leaving.
I stood in front of the bathroom mirror for a moment, thinking of what the fuck I was actually to do. My thoughts were so jumbled up and I couldn't even begin to think rationally and clearly about anything.
I took off the hoodie I had been wearing, and threw it into my basket of clothes I needed to wash, before getting into the hot shower.
I felt my muscles relaxing underneath the water and closed my eyes.
There was a knock against the door of the shower.
"I'm leaving the water by the sink, Sofia. There's a few painkillers by it, take them," Cody cleared his throat, unable to see me through the fog in the glass, "I'll wait for you outside."
"Okay," I replied quietly, and stayed completely still until I had heard him leave my bathroom.
I pushed back all my thoughts and feelings, too tired to cry or be judgemental toward myself during the early hours of the morning.
I washed myself thoroughly, using a shower gel and shampooing my hair. I didn't bother using conditioner, and instead turned the shower off when I was ready.
After drying myself up a bit, I wrapped a towel around my body and stepped out of the shower. I shivered at the sudden cold I felt.
I took the painkillers and drank the water he had brought me, before brushing my teeth and grabbing a clean hoodie to wear. I slipped on panties and left the bathroom after hanging up my towel to dry.
"Sorry," I cleared my throat and made my way to my bed in the dimness of my bedroom.
"For what?" He chuckled quietly, still awake but sounding tired.
"For being so much," I sighed and fell down onto the soft bed, immediately burying my face in my pillow and letting my eyes close.
"Everything's fine, Sofia," he seemed slightly amused, and threw half of the duvet over me, "are you good now?"
Mentally no, physically yes. "Yes."
I felt his arm sliding over the small of my back slowly, as if he was just feeling me for a moment, before he pulled me back towards him.
"You're freezing," he commented after my legs brushed against his.
I murmured out something incoherent, finally feeling like I was about to fall asleep any second now.
He moved my body so, that he was able to have my back against his front. His arm slid around me and rested over my ribcage, holding me pressed up against him.
"You smell so good," Cody murmured, his lips brushing against the back of my neck and causing a shiver to move through my whole body, "isn't it so much nicer when I'm the big spoon?"
I found myself relaxing in his arms, "you just like having my butt pushed up against you..."
I felt how his smile widened, before he left a small kiss on to my sensitive skin.
"You caught me," he told me faintly, just as I fell asleep.
