An Interference of Portraits

Defence Against the Dark Arts and N.E.W.T.s

My guests sat silently around the table, watching the conversation progress. I felt my hands start to sweat, concerned about where Minerva and Lucius were leading this conversation.

'Sixth year syllabus,' Minerva said with business-like efficiency as she read from the list in front of her. 'Dark Creatures: Dementors... well, we all know you can deal with those. Inferi?'

'Yes,' I sighed. 'Faced a whole army of them back in '97.'

'Ring of Fire around the guest bed,' muttered Lucius.

'That one's utterly true, Lucius,' I deadpanned. 'It's why Dromeda can't stay tonight and is having to wake Teddy to take him home later. I've been experimenting with other ways to break the Inferius curse without using the Firestorm spell.'

He shook his head. 'This is what I mean...' he said. 'Now I want to ask if you've had any success, even though I know you're pulling my leg about the whole thing...'

'It's still baselessly undead,' I said with a grin.

Minerva looked at me with a thin purse lips. 'Have you quite finished, Harry? Good. Now, optional Creatures, that is, write on one of the following in the exam, including rating and why, habitat, food, and how to deal with it,' Minerva continued, 'Banshees, Flesh-eating Slugs, Kappas.' She looked at me and gave me a single nod as if to say, yes, I know that won't be a problem. 'Spells: nonverbal spells.'

'Yes. Do you need me to prove it?'

'No. Nor do I need to ask if you can perform a selection of Shield Charms—'

'I believe you swept me off my feet and knocked me out in my own home with a particularly strong Protego,' Lucius said woefully.

'That was a Stupefy,' I muttered.

'How remiss of me not to remember in the heat of the moment,' said Lucius with a smile.

There were several sniggers from around the table.

Minerva cleared her throat. 'Resisting the Cruciatus and Imperius curses – theory not practical. But we can tick both of those off. Also, Cursed Barriers, Ear-Shrivelling Curse, Langlocks, Sea Urchin Jinx, Cave Inimmicum, Imperturbably Charms, Stretching Jinx.'

I suddenly felt very interested.

'I don't know what half of those spells are,' said Ron.

'Says Ronald the Qualified Auror,' teased Gin. 'Good to know our brother is stoutly defending Britain against an invasion of sea urchins. What about you, Harry?'

'Yep to all of those except the Ear-Shrivelling Curse,' I said. 'But I seem to remember Snape mentioning it in sixth year. And I should think it's similar to Shrunken Head Spells used by the Jivaroan in the Amazon region.'

'Did you see that?' asked Narcissa, horrified.

'Not practiced but I saw Tsantsa trophies when I was in Ecuador and learnt about it from the tribe I was staying with. You know Ernie Prang has a Shrunken Head hanging from his rear-view mirror in the Knight Bus?'

There were some grimaces around the table.

'What's a Sea Urchin Curse then?' asked George.

'Jinx,' I corrected. 'Percy could explain, he cast one on Pius Thickness during the Battle. It's particularly nasty too. Makes tiny spines erupt through the skin of the victim causing extreme discomfort. The spines aren't poisonous, as such, but do cause a proper irritation.'

'What, everywhere?' said George, his eyes wide as he looked at his older brother with a sense of disbelief mixed with admiration.

A lot of people around the table winced when they got what he was referring too.