Tmnt Fanfic Comp

Off The Edge

TW: Suicide attempt (: mmmmm yummy yummy angsty delicious eat up kids I cooked it just for you <3 // I'm def not self inserting I swear I'm mentally sound and happy

Never in his life did he think, that he'd be standing there. Not when he was young, not when he was old, not ever. Leonardo, barely 16 as he stood atop the ledge of a high rise apartment building. He'd discarded his brilliant blue mask, his blades, and his dignity. Utterly bare and open, he felt light enough to waver at the slightest push of wind. The events of the kraang had ended some time ago, yet he'd only just been let off 'house arrest.' None of his family was all too happy about his self sacrifice. He couldn't blame them, Leo wasn't happy with anything he did. Leon had struggled with some semblance of survivor's guilt, since the Shredder. Yet it seemed to double, even triple as of recent events. His mind didn't go over well being in the lair for so long. Trapped in the med bay with his diseased mind was no good. Listening to his brothers tip toe around eggshells, whispering to each other he knew it was about him. Often he dreamt of being trapped in the prison dimension, he dreamt about his brothers. Imagining how life would be if he never came back, if he died in the fight. He should have died, Mikey shouldn't have risked his life for Leo. They were right about Leo, he knew it as he trained his eyes below. Staring down at the empty street far beneath his stance. Leo was slowly gathering the guts. He wasn't brave like Raph, or smart like Donnie, he didn't have the skill Mikey did. Leon was just a face man, deadweight. He was nothing but a burden on their strained shoulders. Leo's family held the weight of the world and he was simply an extra pen they carried around needlessly. Only useful when the time rose were they needed to write. Falling out of their pocket and slowing them down when they needed to pick him up. Getting lost and stressing them out as they took the time to find him. The mutant's skin prickled with the chill of the air, his plastron flexing subtly with strained breaths of wasted oxygen. They deserved better. Leo had contemplated his death for a while, he had plenty of alone time to do so. His family always seemed to act so happy that he made it, but Leonardo could never muster up the same feelings. And now he stood on the edge of a building, trying to muster up the courage to take his own life. After so much effort to save him, to heal him, keep him alive, he was throwing it all to shit. It was the second time he'd gone and done something to end his life on purpose. His heart was racing, pounding like a drum against his ribcage. He'd never felt so alone before the kraang, treated like some pathetic basket case for his sacrifice. Grounded from leaving his bed until he was fully healed, which took ages due to the extent of his injuries. Something dark had dragged Leo to this rooftop. Something that plagued him like a bad cold. Something he hoped his brothers would never experience, would never see. He prayed to some unknown god that they'd get over him quickly. He was never going to be as good as them, Leo was never going to be great. The bottoms of his feet weight heavy on the chilly pavement. He wondered how it would feel when he jumped, if it would hurt or if he'd die instantly. He wondered who would find him first. Maybe he'd be seen in the news, the humans discovering his corpse. Calling him everything but a person. This world would never accept them not even after death so why should he even try. Leon was no good for this lifetime. The mutant took a deep breath. Shoulders rising with the motion as he braced himself. He blinked slowly as he watched the ground below, carefully feeling as his skin rippled with discomfort at the cold air. The silence was nice at least, no more of the mind numbing beeping from his heart monitor. Leo brought his gaze up, leaning his head back to gaze at the empty night sky. It seemed so big, made him feel like nothing but a grain of sand. He slowly began to urge himself off the ledge. That was, until he heard it. "Leo..?" His body became tense like stone. His lungs froze as if chilled by ice, hoping it wasn't who he thought. Leo refused to turn around as he hesitated. He wanted to pretend like he didn't hear anything. 'Jump.' He told himself. 'Jump!' But he couldn't. Something held him down with a vice grip. He couldn't move. Leo had been caught by none other than his own brother. "Leo, please." They began again. "Step down. It's okay." They sounded strained, terrified even. Leo couldn't help but to curse himself, knowing Raph stood behind him with the classic stressed out expression they wore everywhere. He couldn't believe he was being saved by Raph, again. Despite the disappointment Leo felt, his brother's voice sounded compelling. It sounded safe, as if he could run into their arms and forget this ever happened. Yet he didn't move for another drawn out couple of seconds. Deciding on if he step forwards, or backwards towards Raph. Eventually, he did make his decision. Leo slowly turned his head to peer over his shoulder at his mutant brother. Somehow, he hadn't started to cry just yet. Not even as he saw Raph, standing a couple feet away with an expression of horror. He seemed to perk up as Leo turned, reaching his hand out for the younger of the two. Wordlessly, Leo stepped off onto the gravel that littered the rooftop. His head sunk low in shame, cursing himself. He's fucked up again, and Raph has had to save him again. He wanted to mumble out an apology, but he couldn't seem to find his voice. Now the tears prickled at the corners of his eyes. Raph took off towards Leo. As soon as he was close enough, he engulfed the younger brother into his arms. Pulling the mutant towards his chest as if Leo would slip through his grasp. The contact was the final point to which Leo's tears broke free. His chest erupted into sobs, his shoulders trembled while he let his head fall into the snapper's rough scaled shoulder. His arms hung limp by his sides as Raph held his sobbing brother. "It's okay." The large mutant whispered, carefully as if anything too loud would shatter the slider. As if he was a delicate piece of glass. Leo cried with the force of all his pent up emotions. His tears drenched not only his own face but his brother's shoulder. Yet still he couldn't utter an apology, he wanted to. Leon wanted to apologize until he had no air left in his lungs. He wanted to say sorry until it strangled him, his guilt would be his final breath. Raph's insistent comfort continued to be whispered. Leo felt pathetic. He needed to be rescued again. He wondered when his sorry excuses would end, and wondered when his family would finally snap and tell him off. But Raph felt safe. As much as Leo hated it, the large mutant felt safe. It felt like a merciful gust of cold air on a hot day. Finally he felt comfortable. Raph held onto Leo tightly, his mind racing with all too many horrible thoughts. He was so scared of almost losing Leo to the kraang, he forgot that wasn't the only monster out there. "It's okay." He mumbled for what had to have been the fifth time. Raph didn't know what to say, how do you comfort someone who stood on the ledge of a building just minutes ago? How was he supposed to make Leo feel better? Was it even possible? He wanted to cling to his younger brother like a life line, to lock the mutant away in a perfect little world where sadness didn't exist. He could only dream of such a place. Leo was safe now, but how long would that last? How long until Raph, or any of the other turtles found him? How long until they didn't make it in time?