The Rainbow Connection (Destiel AU)

Love is Blind

They had went into Dean's room where they simply held one another in the bed. This was all they really wanted; to be together.

"How did we not see it?" Cas spoke up after what felt like centuries of dead silence.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked.

"Well, it's just, now that I think about it, it was always... kinda obvious. Y'know, our feelings for each other. I mean, how'd we not see it?"

Dean smiled small. "Who knows? I guess we were just blinded by our love for each other."

Cas huffed a laugh. "Yeah, blinded like bats."

Dean chuckled softly, kissing Cas's forehead. "I've never met such a cute bat before."

Cas began to blush, his cheeks red as beets. "Stop it, you."

"Well I can't help it. You're the sweetest."

"Gah! Stop! You know I can't take a compliment!"

"Well you better learn how to, 'cause I'm gonna give them to ya, day and night." He teased.

Cas buried his face in Dean's shirt. "My face can't handle it!"

Dean smiled, running his fingers through Cas's hair. "You're too cute. Is that intentional?"

"Why? What makes me so special?"

Dean kissed the top of Cas's head. "Because you're you. Why fight it? You're amazing."

Cas looked up at Dean and smiled. "No one's ever loved me so much before. Not even my own parents."

"Hey, I'm sure they loved you."

Cas shook his head slightly. "The closest thing to a real father I ever had was Gabriel. He... taught me how to tie my shoes. He made me lunch for school every day. He let me hide under his covers on the nights when I had bad dreams. Our parents never cared. But... when they... when they died, he just... shut me out. He stopped caring, I guess. I was ten years old, and it was like I lost my parents and my brother. And now... I reminded him of someone he lost, and I know it must've hurt."

Dean was a bit breath taken by Cas's unexpected monologue. He had no idea that he'd been through so much. "Cas... I'm so sorry."

A single tear rolled down Cas's cheek, yet his expression remained completely stoic. "It's fine. I'm fine."

"No you're not."

Cas sucked in a deep, shaky breath. "Yes I am." More tears made their way down his rosy cheeks.

"Cas-"

"Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am." He sobbed into Dean's shirt, repeating the phrase constantly.

Dean rubbed his back up and down, trying to soothe him. He wasn't entirely sure what was wrong. It was doubtful this had everything to do with the whole Gabriel thing. "Cas, what's wrong?" He asked softly.

"Yes I am, yes I am, yes I am." He whispered, his voice muffled.

"Cas, I know there's more on your mind than you're letting on. Now what's wrong?"

"I wanna die sometimes."

Dean got chills at that sentence. "What?" He murmured.

"Sometimes I feel like dying. Just... wonder what it's like. Curious."

"Cas, you don't get 'curious' about stuff like that. You get curious about what's inside a box, or what's behind a door, not what death is like!"