right where you left me

Chapter 3 - Nothing At All

"That depends how you see it," Beth soon said. I breathed in. I breathed out. I knew what was coming. I expected this conversation with Beth to come. I wasn't sure how she was going to take the news that I had worked out just from being at Lyon. But I knew, when I arrived at this club, I wasn't going to be the one to tell her if she didn't already know.

"I think I know what you're going to say," I answered, walking towards her with the ball under my arms.

"Yeah?" Beth asked, looking hopeful, probably not wanting to break the news to me.

"Yeah. It's okay." I looked at Beth, giving her a soft smile. We both then knew what the other was mentioning, and we didn't have to say it explicitly to confirm.

"How long ago did you guys end?" Beth asked.

"A few months," I replied. "Early October. What about you?"

"Around the same," Beth answered.

"How did you find out?" I asked her. "Did Daan tell you?"

"Yeah. She thought I deserved to know."

"That's good," I said. "Being there, in the team, made it quite obvious for myself." It was true. Ellie didn't tell me anything as she probably didn't want to make training together awkward, but it already was. It really, truly was.

"I just can't believe it," Beth said, sitting down on the grass. "We were together for four years, and within two months... I don't know, am I being ridiculous?" I thought about it for a moment, and even though I felt the same, I knew that it was a hard situation, for all parties involved. Ellie and I had broken up. So too had Daan and Beth. We couldn't change that. I wanted Ellie to be happy, and if Daan made her happy, then that was that. For me at least.

"You're not being ridiculous," I said to Beth. "Ell and I were together for eight years and I do feel the same, in a way. I just- I don't know. It does feel as if I have no place to feel a way about it, you know?" I looked at Beth as I said this, sitting down beside her, with the ball resting in my lap.

"Yeah, I know I shouldn't. I know that she isn't a part of my life anymore, but still, it's hard." Beth stared ahead of her, not wanting to show me the small tear that fell from her face.

"We'll be okay," I said to her, grabbing her hand, and squeezing it. "We'll be okay."

"Anyways," Beth said, chuckling to herself slightly. "How are you finding it all? Liking the team?" I laughed to myself, thinking of the team and in particular the captain.

"Yeah, it's good," I answered. "Really good."

"Glad you moved?"

"Definitely," I laughed. "I don't know how much longer I could've survived there, to be honest. It was getting hard."

"Yeah, I could only imagine." Lyon was quite hard, especially towards the end. It was becoming more and more obvious how things were changing. How people were changing, and friendships too.

"But, it's okay," I said to Beth, trying to look at it from a more positive angle. "I'm here, at a great new club, with great new team mates, and... it'll all be good."

"Yeah, it will all be good." Beth smiled at me, both of us understanding the other.

Beth soon left, and I only stayed a few more minutes, practising some set pieces before getting in my car and heading home. But I needed a stop beforehand.

I headed to the pub, wanting to debrief some of the inner stress hidden in my head. I grabbed myself a drink, asking for a double shot. That drink went quickly.