I'm your Angel | Pablo Gavi

The truth or lies?

A/N: Another long chapterrr. Love y'all so much, and exactly 6100 words long!!🥳🥳

My life is a mess

My mind is a mess

My hair is a mess

EVERYTHING IS A MESS.

Since me and Lily flew back to Barcelona, everything was different then before. Pedri acted way more distant. Pablo doesn't speak to me. Mikky is always "busy". And Lily doesn't wanna come to my house again, because she's afraid to see Pedri. I also get recognized on the street way more then before. I'm not sure if I like it... but that's not my biggest problem.

My biggest problem is Pablo...
(And the fact that I have an important appointment with Nicole in 20 minutes, and like I've said before: My hair is a mess.)

When I came to Barcelona, I wasn't expecting "love" or anything like that. I was just here temporarily... it's just a job! I wasn't expecting to actually fall for the footballer every girl fell for. Before I never fell in love. Lily and my other friends were always with guys and crushing on someone. However I was always just... there... And it's not that guys weren't interested in me. I've had plenty of options... I just never did anything with it.

This boy doesn't feel like an option... he feels like a need. Something that I want super desperately. It makes me feel so angry and powerless when I literally feel him slip through my fingers. There are also so much questions in my head.

Did he lie about Amila?

Does he still like me?

Did he meant it when he said that he loved me?

Am I a temporarily thing to him, or more?

Is he still mad about the Jude-situation?

All these questions keep coming back to me. I've never felt this type of thing for a boy before. I never thought love could be so amazing, it's like a roller coaster. That feeling when you go down and you just feel pure joy and butterflies in your stomach. Sometimes it feels like you're on top of a cloud, were everything is better, and nothing really matters except for you.

I also never thought love could be so freacking painful. That feeling were you realize you're worth nothing to them. You cared so much... and they saw you as nothing. That feeling were your whole heart physically hurts. When you shake, cry, get out of breath. The feeling of pure panic, betrayal, anger but mostly sadness.

This boy made me feel them all and I've probably done the same to him. 

I just don't know what he thinks about me now. He did care enough about me to come and pick me up from the club. But a good friend would've done the same. We haven't spoken since. I just hope he still likes me. It was incredibly hard for me, to stay away from him. To stop thinking about him. To not care about him. I just like him too much. 

He felt the same way about me... and I was to dumb to kiss Jude. Now I don't know anymore. Now everything changed. I want an end of the story. A good end. But I don't know how I'll accomplish that. I'm way to impatient to wait until he says something, but I'm too scared to go to him myself.

Since my father left, I saw my mom deal with serious trust-issues. One question always goes through my head... did he leave because of me? Lily convinced me it wasn't me, and that I should stop those thoughts... but now it feels like I'm sort of reliving it. But worse. I don't want him to leave. I don't want him to stop loving me. Fear of being alone, I think is my biggest fear. That night in the hotel, when he turned around and walked to the elevator, was very painful. It felt like he was waking out of my life and he took my happiness with him. It was cold. I felt alone. Very alone.