Tw: Insecurities, doubt?? Dwalin and Bofur making fun of Kili's forging? Insecure Kili???
Fem!Reader
Summary: Kili knew he wanted to marry you the day he met you, yet he knew he needed to be patient. And when he finally decided that it was time to propose, all insecurities begin building up. He knows as a member of the royal family, he has certain rules to follow. And those rules make him uncertain of his future with you. But, as Bofur discovers his bead one day, he might not have a choice but to simply state that which has been bothering him.
----
Kili never really considered himself fearful. Though he would never openly admit it, he was reckless, and everyone knew it. And thanks to his recklessness, he often became blind to oncoming dangers and therefore possible fears. His brother had always been his careful half, yet for personal deals such as the raging anxiety in his body right now, he had no one but himself.
After courting for years, and a long journey to Erebor, Kili grew antsy and impatient. For him, he knew he wanted to wake up beside you every single day for the rest of his life. Would he have decided your entire relationship, you'd be long married by now. But, alas, his mother had told him to wait for the right moment, and he allowed you to pick your own pace. The only thing he should have mentioned was that he was now waiting for you to make your decisions in your courtship. And though both of you had a loud voice for yourself, you always allowed Kili to make the calls, as he often seemed far too excited or overwhelmed. It was your way of showing him you were happy with him, and he did deserve everything you had offered him thus far.
But days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and then years, and Kili grew fidgety. It was obvious to him that he wanted to marry you. That had been his intention from the day he met you. He had assumed you'd immediately marry after the courtship became official, but much to his disappointment, that was not the case.
So, there he stood, at the dinner table, the marriage bead he had made months prior clutched tightly in his hand underneath the table. He had repeated this notion multiple times, the gesture almost becoming some form of ritual for him, hoping to one day gather the courage to ask you that one question he had been waiting for for years - if not decades.
And the worst part was that he was no longer as ecstatic and enthusiastic as he had been to his brother when he announced his course of action. He was no longer bouncing in happiness, as he was often seen doing. He grew insecure with every look you shot him, even as most of them were with a giant smile on your face. He knew you loved him, and that was not the part he grew dubious over. It was the formality of everything. There were so many rules, so many customs to keep in mind. All he wanted to do was grab your hand and run off to a place for only the two of you. He had always grown pressured under all the royal laws he now had to obey, and you knew this. But a royal wedding... What if he would not like it? What if you would not like it?
"Ki?" Came your voice from beside him, your hand trailing towards his, which was hidden underneath the table.
In a moment of shock, he dropped the bead, coughing loudly as to disguise the sound of the fallen object, now grabbing your hand to avoid suspicion.
"Are you alright?"
Much to his delight, everyone else was conversing with one another. The only one who seemed to notice your words was Fili, but he would not intervene.
"Just fine." The dwarf whispered, squeezing your hand in reassurance.
"You know I would never pressure you into something, but you seem quite," You sighed slightly, trying to find the correct words as your eyes trailed over the table. "quiet?"
