Tw: Mentions of alcohol, mutual pining, lost lovers, infidelity but not really.
GN!Reader
Summary: After your marriage with Fili, Kili begins to distance himself. After weeks, it becomes to much for you and you go to seek him out. A bittersweet moment of mutual pining is shared, before you finally part ways.
----
"Friends break up, friends get married Strangers get born, strangers get buried Trends change, rumors fly through new skies But I'm right where you left me."
It had been months since the ceremony. It was an elaborate party, to say the least, and though you were supposed to enjoy yourself, you could not bring yourself to. The dwarves of Erebor had looked at you differently than they usually did, and with good reason, of course. You had been a part of the royal family now. Yet, not in the way you had always hoped.
Kili had been - distant. You knew why, by all means, but it hurt. And the first few days had been the worst by far. He didn't show up in your room anywhere, which would have been understandable, since you now share one with his brother. But the cold air that greeted you after a long meeting seemed even colder now. You had waited at your spot at Ravenhill often, but not once did the dwarf you had been longing for showed up.
The times you saw him, were during royal speeches, meetings, and - occasionally - parties. But he did not speak to you, lest he needed to. And when he did, they were short; only cutting to that which was important. No "how are you" or any teasing remarks you were used from him.
Fili had noticed as well, and encouraged his brother to not let each other become strangers, but he would simply walk away. His talks with Fili had been the same as always, yet less cheery. It was you he simply could not be around anymore.
"Matches burn after the other Pages turn and stick to each other Wages earned and lessons learned But I, I'm right where you left me."
According to whispers in the mountain, he was often seen in a pub in Laketown. The very same one you used to visit with him during, and after, the reclaiming of Erebor. But you dared not interrupt him. He seemed to want some time to think, and you could not bring yourself to not let him have that.
And so, you slowly began to wallow away as well.
Fili had done his absolute best in showering you in love and affection, offering you comfort when needed, warm arms, and light kisses. But regardless of what he tried, it did not stop your worry for Kili. Nor did it keep you from wanting him.
There would be days you would not attend any meetings. And Fili, being the loving husband, stepped in for you, leaving you to rest. It hadn't been fair to him. You hadn't been fair to him. This was your life now, and you could have had a lot worse than the blond prince. You knew you had to learn how to live with that everlasting pity.
"Help, I'm still at the restaurant Still sitting in a corner I haunt Cross-legged in the dim light They say, "What a sad sight"."
In Kili's eyes, you had changed as well after the marriage. He wished his brother the best, as he wished for you, but the grieving pit in his heart seemed to swallow him whole. It was true what they said; the dwarf often returned to that pub in Laketown. Not to drown in liquor to get rid of the pain, or to find flings at the tables. He simply sat there, ordering a single ale for the entire night. His eyes were set on the table in front of him, all noise seemed to escape his ears, and his mind ran away.
To a time when he was still with you. Where he would run with you through the forests, throwing you into lakes and forcing you into trees. A time when his family still teased him about his love for you. When no one knew what the painful future held for him.
