𝐯 𝗼 𝐢 𝐜 𝐞 𝐬 [𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐥𝐢𝐱]

O|ne

welcome; please remember to read trigger warnings!

he looked into the mirror, but all he could see is self-hate.

no matter how much praise he'll receive, no matter how many followers told him he was beautiful, he just couldn't believe it.

felix hated taking showers, and no not because he didn't like being clean. the fact that he had to look in the piece of glass that showed his reflection. he watched as he traced his bones with his cold fingertips, only hate running through his veins

only for himself though. everyone is beautiful in felix's eyes. when it came to himself he sometimes wished he could rip his eyes out, that he could punch the mirror. sometimes he wished that his bandmates weren't right outside the bathroom door being chaotic and talking about who knows what.

nobody could see him like this. he will never show this weak, sick side of himself.

you're doing it for the attention

you don't deserve the love

you don't deserve them

tears filled felix's dark brown orbs. his nails were brittle and his hair was falling out. but it was all okay, this is what he needs to do to become pretty. this is what he needs to do to love himself.

this is what he needs to do to have the voices stop.

______

it's three in the morning, but felix just can't seem to sleep. now that they live in a bigger dorm, everyone has their own room. and well as some liked that for privacy, others, like felix, it made him even worse. but at least no one can see him cry, at least he could lock the door.

that wasn't good.

he gets up, slips his slippers on that jeongin bought him for his birthday, and heads to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

felix starts to wonder how these thoughts started. maybe they started when he was proclaimed the 'sunshine' of the group.

it became hard to always be happy. to put on an act for everyone wasn't always an act but recently he's been tired. and it's become harder to be everyone's sunshine, especially when the thoughts in his head get to him.

the blonde grabbed a glass from the cabinet, going over to the fridge to pour cold water into it. while pouring he heard a noise and turned around.

and there he was, our sunshines' protector.

"lix," hyunjin yawned coming closer to felix and wrapping his arms around the others shoulder, "what's wrong baby, why are you up so late, 'something the matter?" he whispered since it was so early and the others were still sleeping.

felix felt his face heat up and was so happy he could only see the light from the dark sky and the moon threw the window. he loved when hyunjin called him baby. he loved when hyunjin gave him hugs. he had a special place in his heart just for his hyungie.

"im okay," his voice was deep as always but a little groggy from his late-night crying session.

hyunjin pulled away from the soft hug as he placed his hands on lix's face and ran his hand threw the others hair, "you're so cold lixie, you wanna' come lay with me? we have a big day tomorrow and i have to make sure my sunshine is well rested,"

again felix blushed as he nodded and put his cup in the sink. hyunjin grabbed his hand and led them into his room which was at the end of the hallway, farthest from felix's.

he helped felix get under the covers and followed after, they laid on their sides, hyunjin spooning the other, giving him a small kiss on his forehead before laying down and pulling the younger close.