The Infernal Doctor

It Doesn't Mean Anything

              I woke with tears staining my cheeks. Salty tracks from my eyes to my chin. I had fallen asleep in my torrent of tears. It was all a dream, I thought as my eyes began to burn. The Doctor had never came back to my room after the kiss. He had not wiped away my tears. He hadn't said he didn't regret kissing me. He had never come back to see if I was okay. My eyes welled with tears again, but I refused to let them fall. He never told me he loved me, that thought almost broke me. The tears threatened to fall, but I refused them the luxury. I had cried myself to sleep over that man, he didn't deserve anymore of my tears. I hoisted myself up off the bed and looked into the mirror across from me. My eyes were puffy and I had tear tracks stained down my face. I angrily rubbed at my eyes, only increasing the redness. I had probably been crying in my dream, also. That stupid, cursed dream! My mind had to conjure up exactly what I wanted, only to have it ripped away the moment I came to consciousness. The mind was cruel that way. I looked down at my once beautiful dress, wrinkled from sleeping. My pillow was also covered in wet spots and black smudges, most likely from my mascara. There were also, I noticed in the mirror, black trails following my test stains. Stupid mascara! I changed out of that cursed dress with all its buttons and that damn corset with great difficulty, nearly crying in the frustration. Thank you, Doctor. Now I'm a sniffling mess, crying over every damn thing! God, I hated that man sometimes. Well, a lot at the moment. I eventually got the dress, along with the corset, off, only to realize I no longer had the nightgown from the previous night. I quickly slipped on a thin little thing I found in the closet and left my room. I made my way down the halls, nearly getting lost, before finally to finding the front door. I walked out, hoping I remembered the way back to the Tardis. I winded through empty London streets, due to the late hour, before finding the Tardis exactly where we left it. The place where we first met Tessa, when this whole journey began. I didn't even know why we were still here, there was obviously nothing sinister going on. No aliens....well, unless you counted the so-called Nephilim, but they seemed pretty benign. I pulled out my key, unlocking the Tardis door, and walked inside. I went to my room and changed into a tank top and loose pajama bottoms. I would probably get weird looks on the street or in the Institute if anyone saw me, but I didn't care. I was beyond caring. I gathered up the thin little thing I had worn on the way here, so I could return it to the closet in my room at the Institute. I walked back to the door of the Tardis and walked out, locking it behind me. I walked back the way I came but at a much slower pace. I wasn't in a hurry to get back to the Institute, to get back to the Doctor. Just thinking of him made my eyes burn with unshed tears. I refused to cry over that man ever again, even.....even if he didn't love me. A shuddering cry left my mouth but no tears. Why did you have to kiss me, I thought angrily. I could have continued to believe he didn't love me, and I didn't love him; but no, he just had to kiss me. Had to make me realize I did feel something for him....whatever that was. No, I wasn't going to feel anything anymore. I was going shut this down before it went too far. Oh, but hasn't it went that far already; face it, you love the man. I shook my head in frustration. No, I did not, would not love that man. I stopped walking, hearing a grumbling in the distance. The chilly wind, whipping against my skin, carrying the noise with it. I glanced around nervously. What was making that horrid noise? "Massssster said I could feed on friendsss of the Nephilim," I heard a sinister voice lisp. I turned just in time to see a giant fleshy worm looking thing shooting towards me. I shrieked as loudly as possible and heard it echoing far off in the distance. It was an ear-shattering scream. It seemed as if everything was in slow motion as the thing came at me, all the while, I still screamed. Then, suddenly it jerked in mid-air and flew to the side, inches from my face. Some black goo hit my face and it stung. I whimpered and attempted to wipe it off, but I only succeeded in burning my hand as well. I just left it alone and endured the sting on my hand and face as I watched the thing, writhing less than a yard away. Eventually, it stopped and evaporated into a black mist. I fell back in awe. Suddenly, Will was leaning over me and was wiping the black singing goo from my face and hand. "Are you alright?" "Wh-what was that thing," I gasped. He just sighed at my lack of answer. "That was a Ravener demon," he stated simply. "Demon," I screeched. He just sighed but was quickly pushed out of the way, and the Doctor was standing over me. "Are you okay," he said, worry evident in his voice. "I'm fine," I said harshly, standing up and pushing past him. I saw Jem, Will, Tessa, and Charlotte all gather over that thing, the Ravener. They were all covered in dark black marks along their skin, except for Tessa. But they all wore a type of black ensemble with weapons thrust through a belt. I saw the Doctor lift up from his crouching position out of the corner of my eye with a look of confusion on his face. I paid him no mind as Charlotte walked over to me, obviously looking me up and down for injuries, noting the irritation on my cheek and palm. "Did the demon ichor get on you," she asked. "The demon what," I asked. "Demon blood," Charlotte clarified. "Oh, yeah. It did. Burnt like hell, too." She ignored my language and explained that demon ichor burnt human skin and pretty much everything else. I looked at Will and noticed a sword, emanating a whitish glow, strapped to his back. I walked toward Will and, inherently, towards the Doctor. He tried to talk to me, but I cut off every word he said. He eventually gave up as I continued toward Will. "Where did the.....demon go, and what's that," I asked, pointing toward the blade. He pulled it from its sheath and held it in front of him. "It's a seraph blade. One of our tools. Its the only thing that can mortally wound a demon." He then went on explaining some kind of metal called adamas and how demons disappeared back to their home dimension after being killed, so technically they didn't really die. When he finished speaking, everyone was rushing towards me to make sure I was okay. After they all checked over me, obviously worried about my well being, they asked what I was doing out here. "I needed a pair of pajamas," I simply stated. "You call that pajamas? What kind of pajamas are these," Tessa asked curiously. Before I could answer Will butted in,"Shows quite a bit of skin, if I must say so myself," he murmured. I blushed as Will looked me up and down. "Well, we should get back to the Institute," Charlotte said, changing the subject.

I ignored the Doctor the whole way back and when we walked through the doors I just told him to go to his room, I wasn't in the mood to talk and that he should just get some sleep. He had walked off reluctantly. Before anyone else could try and speak to me, I walked off and kept walking until I came upon a library. I went inside the dimly lit room and grabbed the lantern hanging on the wall. I ventured up and down the isles, before finally picking a book at random. I walked over to a window and crawled up onto the ledge, sitting the lantern on a nearby table and began to read. I couldn't even focus on the words, all I could focus on was how the Doctor thought he could just try and talk to me like nothing happened. Like he hadn't run out after our kiss. Like he hadn't left me to wallow in my sorrow. He didn't even know that I had cried. Probably wouldn't even care if he did know. Oh, don't be stupid. He would care, he's still your friend! But that was the point. I wanted him to be more than a friend. All because of that stupid kiss. Oh, the feeling started long before that, Sweetie. Dear God, I was talking to myself in my mind now. I heard someone bump into something and I jumped. "Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Just came to see how you were doing," a man said from the darkness. He stepped forward into the light of my lantern, and I saw that it was Will. "When we found you earlier, I noticed tear tracks on your face," he said. "I was attacked by a demon, of course I was going to cry," I lied. "No, you don't seem like the type of person who cries that easily. Also, they looked to have been dry. Tears don't dry that quickly," he said pointedly. He walked over and looked at the space my legs occupied. I moved them so I was sitting criss-cross as he hopped up onto the space my legs had just vacated. "So, what were you crying about?" I just sighed, "Nothing important." Ugh, I just wanted a distraction. I needed to think about something other than the Doctor.....other than that perfect kiss. Will's hand touched my face and it came away wet. I had started crying again and hadn't even noticed. "Damn it!" I said in frustration. "Never heard a woman speak in such a manner," he smiled. "Sorry," I laughed. "Don't be. I kinda like it," he smirked. I just laughed as he wiped away the rest of my unwanted tears. Finally, he just left his hand resting against my cheek, and I let him, burying my cheek into his soft hand. He smiled sweetly at me. This boy was a lot nicer and a lot less rude than he had first seemed. It was quite attractive, and he was already attractive enough. He stared at me intently, his hand still on my face. "You're very beautiful," he said. I just shushed him by putting my finger to his lips. He smiled against my finger. I took away my hand and leaned forward, and so did he. This was just the distraction I needed. I knew it didn't mean anything, but that was why I did it. He needed a way to forget Tessa....and I needed a way to forget the Doctor and that magical kiss that changed everything. Our lips met, tentative at first but the kiss soon grew in hunger. He pulled me closer, and I didn't fight him. Suddenly, there was a gasp at the doorway and we jerked apart. Tessa and the Doctor stood there wide eyed. Tessa's eyes filled with tears, and the Doctor had a look of pain on his face. I jumped down from the ledge to go to the friend I had hurt and the love I had scorned, but Tessa turned and fled down one hall, while the Doctor quietly left down another. I sighed heavily and felt the urge to cry again. Wait, why had the Doctor looked hurt? He had run from me. Why did I feel like I had scorned my love when he had so readily rejected me? I turned away from the door to see Will standing there, pale as a ghost. He looked at me and whispered how sorry he was before hurrying out of the library. I sunk down to the floor and leaned against the wall. Then, I sobbed. The torrent of tears I had kept from falling since I had woken, fell. They poured down my face in agony. I sobbed louder than I ever had in my entire life. With more pain than I had ever felt. I knew someone probably heard me crying, but I didn't care. All I cared about was that I had just hurt one of the nicest people I knew, and I had kissed someone else in front of the love of my life. I finally admitted it to myself, I loved that man more than anything else in the Universe. I would let the entire Universe burn before I let him go. I wept and wept and wept. I was practically the Wailing Woman, the woman who wept for the dead and felt such sorrow. But instead of weeping for the dead, I wept for my friend and my love. I wept for all my sorrow and all the pain I had caused. I knew Tessa loved Will, but she seemed so adamant on marrying Jem that I thought it wouldn't matter. I was so stupid. I loved the Doctor and kissing someone I had just met wasn't going to change that. I continued my heart wrenching sobs, trying to release all the pain I felt. All the pain I had caused.