✅ My Sister's Problem

118. Consequences

"How did you get on while I was away?" Mum asked, and I looked up right away. I'd only just managed to stop crying, overwhelmed by an irrational terror that I knew was just a result of being so small. Little kids couldn't control their emotions properly, after all, and Lindy had been able to drop all those feelings into my mind with just a couple of words. It was amazing, really, how much it affected me. But I thought that I would have been more amazed if I could still think about what was happening to me while it was happening. For a couple of minutes, I didn't really understand anything.

It took a real effort to remember that I was a big girl really, and I couldn't even put any numbers on my age. It was such an intense feeling that nothing else seemed to matter, and I didn't know how to cope with that until I'd started drifting back to normal already.

"Oh, Lindy!" Mum said, and glared at her. "Did you make the baby cry? I only left you in charge for a couple of minutes! Why can't you two be friends?"

"She's being punished," she answered, as if that explained everything. Or even anything. "I wanted to see if it worked. You said I'm in charge." She was doing her best to look sweet and innocent, and maybe I could try to laugh at that a little. She was trying to manipulate Mum, stretching the rules to try to justify what she wanted, and she had barely thought about what that would mean to me. Sure, some people would see that as bullying; but to me it seemed somewhere between what she'd already been trying and the kind of prank wars that we'd always had in previous years. She was trying a gradual return to form, without admitting to Mum that she'd done something wrong. And if she kept that up, I realised that I would probably enjoy it.

Just as soon as my relationship with Hugo – or what I at least hoped could grow into some kind of relationship – wasn't on the line.

"The tantrum trigger?" Mum asked, and Lindy just nodded. I guessed that was a good name for it; being overwhelmed by feelings that made no sense. Was that how a real little kid felt when they were screaming and lashing out? It was hard to imagine, but it had seemed so real to me in the moment. And even now, after however much time had passed, it was hard to recover all my grown-up thoughts. I was still thinking in short words, and letting their conversation go over my head unless I really tried to pay attention.

"And you made her poop as well?" Mum continued, and I buried my face in my hands in a desperate attempt to hide the blushes. "You really like that one, don't you?"

"I just..." Lindy stammered. "Sorry. It just seemed like a good idea when I said it. I'll try to do it less often in future."

"It's gross and stinky!" I injected my opinion, but didn't realise how childish it was going to sound until I heard my words. Mum found that amusing, and I couldn't stop myself giggling along with them at how easily I could embarrass myself like that.

"Don't worry, baby," Mum said. "I'll get you changed now. And I thinkin future, your sister should cut down on using that one, unless she's going to take responsibility for cleaning you up."

I couldn't stop blushing after I heard that, but I noticed that Lindy seemed to be just as embarrassed. Mum took me back to my room and put me in a clean diaper, and then we could carry on playing. A couple of times, I tried to imagine what Hugo was thinking right now, or what he would be feeling. But every time, there was somebody there to wave a toy in front of me, or talk to me like I was a little kid. And somehow, all the embarrassment only seemed to excite me. I couldn't even think about anything else; the emotions were too intense. I had to accept that as much as I hated not having control of my life like this, I loved it as well.

It wasn't until late in the evening that I could finally think about the message to Hugo, and what I would tell him if I could. And that was probably the worst part, because I had no idea. I could fantasise about getting my phone back, and how everything would suddenly be better; but I knew that it really wouldn't so long as I still wasn't sure what to say. I'd told him that I kind of liked being treated like a baby, and that I didn't know why. He'd joked about wanting to babysit me, but he'd been super embarrassed about it, like he was confessing to something that would make me hate him. And I needed to let him know that I didn't see anything negative in those thoughts, even if I still wasn't sure I understood. But just what could I say?

As it got to late evening, I found that I was crying again, but I wasn't quite sure why. I didn't know what he was going to say when I saw him again, and I wasn't even sure what I wanted him to say. This wasn't the anguished bawling of a toddler, but a gentle sobbing as I realised that there was little hope of getting what I wanted if I didn't even know what it was.

I caught Lindy looking over at me a couple of times, and I could see that she was uncomfortable. I guess that she'd expected some kind of rage, or an attempt at revenge. Those would have been the signs of a successful prank, but she couldn't get any enjoyment out of what she had done to me now. And the more I thought about it, the more I realised that I couldn't really blame her for this. If she'd never said something in front of Hugo, or hadn't set up my first experience with being babied, I wouldn't have been any better off; I just wouldn't know how much it mattered to me.

Each time she looked at me, she came over and tried to play. She'd dangle a bunch of brightly-coloured plastic keys in front of my face, and talk down to me like a little kid. And there was enough of the hypnotic suggestion left that I'd always end up laughing from those antics. But it wouldn't be long before uncertainty about the future drifted back into my mind, and that kind of helplessness really wasn't what I wanted.

It didn't seem like much time at all before Mum was leading me up to my room. I hoped I could sleep well, and told myself that everything would seem better in the morning. Maybe I would see the silver lining that had been just out of sight today, and I would be cheerful again. It was hard to believe.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" Mum asked, as she changed my diaper again. I wondered if she was going to put me back in those mittens for bed; even if she didn't, it seemed like there was no chance I'd have an opportunity to do anything with my phone, because I didn't even know where it was now. I guessed that Mum or Lindy must have hidden it somewhere, while I was giggling like a little kid. "That's not just a platitude, you know. I really do want to know what's wrong."

"I don't know..." I squeaked, and she leaned closer so that she could hear my whisper. "It's just... I don't know what Hugo's thinking. We needed a long chat after what Lindy said when we were leaving, and it was getting really hard, and then I couldn't reply..."

"It's okay," Mum reassured me. "I know Lindy tried messing with your phone at least once, but she's promised she won't do that again. And I've spoken to Chel Eisen, told her... Well, not what's actually been going on. But I told her that Lindy has been using your phone, and sending messages for the purpose of embarrassing you. So Hugo will know that anything he saw during this trip might not have been from you. Okay?"

"But..." I stammered, trying to get my thoughts in order. It seemed like a logical solution from Mum's point of view, but that just meant that she didn't know what we had been talking about. I'd been encouraging Hugo to admit that he wanted to be my babysitter... and if he thought those messages weren't from me, then he would have been devastated by the things he had said. I didn't want to put him through pointless guilt over nothing.

"But nothing, baby. You've just got another day and a half of punishment to look forward to, and then you'll be back home so you can talk to him in person. And hopefully I won't need to give you any more punishments like this."

"But..." I mumbled. But I still didn't know how I could explain what I was feeling.

"It's okay, baby. You'll get through it. Now, sleep for Mommy."