75. Day Two

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This chapter is dedicated to Jordan, with many thanks for all of your support. You make it possible for me to keep doing this!


I opened my eyes slowly, and laughed a little to myself. I was so comfortable now, and it was hard to worry about what had happened last night. My tummy had settled down now, and I could be confident that Lindy wouldn't try that stunt again.

Lindy was still asleep when I got up. I could check as soon as Mum came into my room and brought me back to the lounge for breakfast. She asked me how long it would be before Lindy woke up, and I answered with just a little embarrassment. Of course Mum would have realised that my only fitness tracker was still paired to my phone. And there was time for me to get a little breakfast, Mum spooning sweet baby food into my mouth, before Lindy was awake.

"You like being a little baby, don't you?" Mum asked, and I just nodded. I couldn't deny it anymore. And I was sure she was starting to realise, if she hadn't already, that I had been less than altruistic when it came to defending my sister. I said that Lindy shouldn't be punished harshly when she blackmailed me, or when she put my hand in a bowl of water. I even allowed myself to be humiliated for a week as punishment for something that I knew was Lindy's fault. And I might have told Mum that all this was because I wanted to see my sister happy. Or because I felt guilty about the way I had picked on her last year. I'd told myself the same lies to start with. But now, there was no hiding the fact that I took the punishment because I wanted it; because I enjoyed having those choices taken away from me.

"How about when Lindy is taking liberties with Mister Tunes?" she asked, an eyebrow raised. She gave me a another mouthful of food as well, so I had to finish that before I could answer. "Is that another case of you liking to be helpless?"

I shook my head vigorously, but then I started to think about it again. My head tilted to one side, and once I had swallowed the food in my mouth I tried to give a better answer: "Not... wetting. That's kind of weird, and it's not something... but not having the choice, maybe... I mean it's not that I like doing it, but it's kind of exciting to know there's nothing I can do to stop it. And the feeling itself isn't that bad I guess, so it can be worth it for the way it makes me feel so small."

"I understand, dear. I think there are a lot of people out there who feel very similar things."

"Really?" I could guess that there were from some of the comments I'd seen when I was reading those studies about sleep and bedwetting. But it was hard to imagine that any of them had ever thought along the particular track of weird thoughts that my mind was following.

"Yes. I did find more reference to that file you were listening to, by the way. And I found a copy of it on another site, where they have a whole collection of ways to make someone feel small and helpless in different ways. There are lots of others, you know. A recording that can send you straight to sleep without the bedwetting, if that interests you. Or one that will train your bladder to empty whenever you hear the sound, without any worries about falling asleep on your feet. And there are even more too."

"Wow," I mumbled. "I guess... maybe someday I might look into trying a different one."

"I've got one you can listen to, if you like, but it may be a bit more extreme than you are comfortable with. If you or Lindy ends up being babied for the rest of the trip, I might insist on it. But if you'd like to give it a try, I'd be happy to think of some other excuse to make you listen to this recording."

"Thanks," I said with a smile. I might have let some food escape down my chin because my mouth was full at that point, but a baby didn't need to worry about those kinds of things. The idea of a new recording was scary, if it was anything like the one I had already been conditioning myself with. I could be completely helpless, and getting into that without any idea what it would do to me felt like a huge leap into the unknown. Of course, Mum would never choose something that could cause actual problems... it was just the knowledge of how much trust I would be putting in her. How much of my choice I would be giving up, a huge thing on its own. "Maybe someday. But if it's a punishment, it's not my choice. I won't do anything to deserve that punishment, I promise you that much. But if you think I went past the limits, I promise I'll take whatever you think is appropriate. Without complaint."

"Good girl. But I think you're sounding like a big girl now. How about we get you changed into proper clothes for the day, if you still want to, and then we'll see what Lindy has been up to."

We did just like she said. She helped me to change out of my diaper, although I really didn't need it, and then left me to finish dressing myself while she went into my sister's room. I thought everything was going well; a second comforting morning that opened up new things without pushing me into anything else. And while I waited for Lindy, I checked my phone. A daily login reward from Bubble Hunt Magnate, and some texts from Hugo. It looked like he might have been able to give his thoughts shape now, so I would know what was driving him away from me if I could read and understand them all. But before I could work out where to start on nearly a hundred messages, I looked up towards the stairs. Someone was shouting, and it sounded like Lindy.

"You have to punish her! You promised!"

I couldn't look back to my phone now. Lindy had caught me doing something? But what? I knew that I'd detached my phone from her speaker after five minutes, and I know she hadn't woken up in that time, so there was no way she could have consciously heard the playlist. Did the speaker have some way of checking what had been connected to it? I didn't know of one, but it was possible I could have missed it. This could have torn apart my plans for the whole trip, all over one impulsive act of revenge. If, that was, Mum didn't suggest that while we had both crossed the lines it would cancel out.

"Come on," Mum growled. I didn't want to know what part of the conversation I had missed. But I was so scared of what might be about to happen.

I had breakfast – the big girl version – in my hands when Mum led Lindy into the kitchen. She was already dressed, but looked a little dishevelled.

"Rght!" Mum announced. "You both remember what I said? You can try these pranks of yours, but not anything that will make your sister genuinely uncomfortable. Right?"

"Yeah," Lindy nodded. "And she made me wet the bed!" I didn't say anything, just stared down at my hands and hoped that my punishment this time wouldn't be too harsh.

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