Madness Unloaded

Best Insults

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

Shut up, you'll never be the man your mother is.

You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable -- like a coma.

I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I'd drink it.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head

It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

Well I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?

You are so old, your birth-certificate expired.

I look into your eyes and get the feeling someone else is driving.

Come again when you can't stay quite so long.

You are so stupid, you'd trip over a cordless phone.

If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport!

You're as useless as a screen door on a submarine.

So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.

You may not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away!

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

You stare at frozen juice cans because they say, "concentrate".

Looks like you traded in your neck for an extra chin!

Are you always an idiot, or just when I'm around?

You are so old, you fart dust.

You occasionally stumble over the truth, but you quickly pick yourself up and carry on as if nothing happened.

The best part of you is still running down your old mans leg.

If I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can lose weight.

Don't feel sad, don't feel blue, Frankenstein was ugly too.

You are proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

Shock me, say something intelligent.

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.

Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're an asshole!

Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.

I wish you no harm, but it would have been much better if you had never lived.

Being around you is like having a cancer of the soul.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.

Is your name Maple Syrup? It should be, you sap.

I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

If you had another brain, it would be lonely.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

We all sprang from apes, but you didn't spring far enough.

Even if you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid!

Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.

If a crackhead saw you, he'd think he needs to go on a diet.

Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.

Are your parents siblings?

You're as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.

Just reminding you there is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.

When was the last time you could see your whole body in the mirror?

Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

If you spoke your mind, you'd be speechless.

Please tell me you don't home-school your kids.

You act like your arrogance is a virtue.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

When anorexics see you, they think they need to go on a diet.

You're the reason why women earn 75 cents to the dollar.

For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.

People like you are the reason I work out.

You are so old, even your memory is in black and white.