big time crush ✭ btr

TWELVE

THE LITTLE BEAR LION
and the prospect of moving on

"May!" He bounded across the lobby and threw himself into her embrace. Truth be told, Carlos did miss the girl the weeks he had been gone. "I saw you in Pop Tiger!"

The model was taken back by this— Carlos had always carried this energy around him, an infectious one, and he had this habit of making everyone he spoke to feel like they were the only one in the room. "Hi Carlos," she smiles into his shoulder, "I missed you. The Palm Woods wasn't the same without you here."

"I missed you too!"

It was like receiving a letter she had never expected in the first place— for it was the only time in six weeks that May hadn't felt forgotten. "I brought you back a gift," he tells her, and when he pulls it from his pocket, the girl cannot stop her facade from cracking open.

The days of pretending, the weeks on end she had made herself so busy just to feel alright, the nights she would convince herself that she was fine, and that it didn't matter— her world split. Tears streamed down her face, a sick smile unable to rid from her very face, and a little wooden figure in her hands.

It was an odd looking creature, somewhere between a bear and a lion, and it wasn't bigger than her pointer finger— "I made it for you when we were in Nevada," he explains. "This guy made wooden statues that were taller than you. And I know it's not as good, but I thought you would like it—"

"I love it," she laughs, and somberly holds it tighter, like it meant the world to her. Such a small gesture, but still May held the little figure close to her chest. Carlos could never understand what this little wooden figure meant to her. "It's perfect."

She carried the little bear lion around with her for the rest of the day, and found herself tracing over the carvings whenever she had a moment to herself. Carlos did such a simple thing, but it made her feel special— something she hadn't felt in weeks.

Maybe the little bear lion made seeing James easier, maybe it made it easier to pass the boy in the hallway when he tried to speak with her, maybe it made it easier to get up and leave the pool when James came over.

It was easy to pretend, at least for now, that it didn't exist. That James didn't exist; that this pesky pain in her chest didn't exist. She had moved on, she had tried to, but May hadn't taken into account how hard it would be when she saw him again— no less how hard it would be when he annoyingly acts as though he had done no wrong. That he could waltz back into the Palm Woods and pick up where he left off.

Maybe that's why part of May was sickly satisfied when no one there knew who he was, and the other part smiled when it bothered him. Maybe all of her was happy that he began to realize that unless he made an effort, he too would be forgotten about.

"Hey May," Kendall approached her later that day, a line of worry trailing across his forehead. "What do you know about Jett Stenson?"

"Hi, Kendall. Great to see you too. Glad to hear your tour went well. Oh you missed me? I missed you too—"

"Okay, okay. Sorry. I'm sorry. Let me try again," he sighs, sitting next to her at the cabana by the pool. "Hi May, it's good to see you."

She smiled at him knowingly. "Jett is Jo's costar— their characters are in some relationship. What happened?"

"Did you know they kiss?"

"Yes."

"For FIVE pages?"

"What?" May asks, eyebrow raised. He tugs at the script to show her the verdict, which makes May sigh. "Kendall," she says pointedly. "It's a show."

"I know that!" He throws his hands up in defeat. "But how would you feel if your boyfriend was kissing some other girl."

"Jo isn't kissing some other guy, her character is kissing another character on a show."

He hangs his head in dejection, knowing that her words are true, but they didn't rid of this awful jealousy feeling. "Look, Kendall," she says kindly. "Jo is my best friend, and she likes you a lot. So don't worry about some silly on screen kiss."

"You're right," he sighs again. "Thank you, May."

"Anytime."

When she gives him a tight lipped grin, and goes to fiddle with the little bear lion again, Kendall gives her a softer look. "You know," he almost whispers. "Carlos was really excited to give that to you."

"Yeah?" She asks airily. "I love it," May tells him. "I know it's silly, but it means a lot."

"He thinks really highly of you May," Kendall confesses. "When he saw those statues he begged the guy to let him make one for you— he thought you might be lonely here."

"I was," May nods. "More than I thought I would be."

Though she says the last part oh so quietly, Kendall catches onto the bitterness in her tone— "did something happen?"

"Happen? No, what do you mean?"

"I haven't seen you talk to James since we got back. I thought you would be excited to see him."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well," Kendall suddenly feels dumb. May and James always used to hang out— James loves May— it didn't make sense for her to be acting so passively. "Did something happen... with James?"

Though Kendall caught on quickly, that much is true, May also was not about to go spilling her feelings to him— no less the fact that it was about his best friend. No, May didn't even think she had a good grasp on her feelings yet, so she wasn't going to share. "I don't know what you mean," she feigns, and God she could be an actress.  "Anyways, I got to go. Good luck with Jett."

"Okay..." he drifts off, but the girl definitely remains on his radar.

It was unfair, at least to May, that she had to hide this pain. For her and James laughed together, and now she must cry alone.