My Lifeline

10

I think long and hard for a moment, but come up with nothing interesting to say about myself. It makes me realise how terribly boring I am.

"So?" Will says, growing impatient when I take so long to respond.

I fiddle with my fingers and stare at the leaves which blow against the wet ground beneath us. "I don't know. There's nothing about me. I don't know what to say."

"There's gotta be something."

I shake my head. "There's not."

"Any hobbies?"

"Nope."

"Reading is a hobby."

"But you already know that I read."

"So tell me something about it. Tell me why you read, tell me what got you started and why you love it. Tell me anything. Doesn't matter how irrelevant or weird it is, just tell me."

"I read..." I start to say, but stop myself when I realise how morbid and depressing my full answer is. I'm terrified that Will is going to judge me and run as far away as he can. I'm starting to enjoy his company, and it's scaring the crap out of me. I've never felt that way about anyone before. It almost feels like the beginning of a friendship.

A friendship is the last thing I want. Is too complicated, too messy, too exhausting.

"...because I like reading," I finish.

His face fully drops. "Have you ever heard of the phrase, that person is a closed book? Well you're sealed shut, like padlocked and chained type of sealed."

"I'm not."

"Prove it. Tell me the real reason."

"The real reason is weird, you'll think I'm crazy..."

"Try me."

I sigh and finally give in, deciding that it won't even matter anyway because whatever is going on between Will and I won't last. "It takes my mind off things and makes me feel like I'm somewhere else."

Will doesn't laugh like I've been expecting him to.

"So...you read to escape?" he assumes.

"Sometimes," I mumble before I quickly try to change the subject back on to him. "Why do you read?"

"Same reason," he informs me casually.

I feel the smallest pinch of hope on my heart, like I'm glad that someone finally understands me. I always knew that Will was hiding how he really felt from the rest of the world, I knew that he felt just as down as I do.

For this reason, I somehow feel more comfortable with him because I know I don't have to hide.

"You...read...to escape?" I ask hesitantly.

"I guess," he mumbles, finding another rock to kick around.

"What are you trying to escape from?"

He laughs and shakes his head like my question is stupid. "The fuck do you think?"

I frown at his choice of words that brings his rude side back to the surface.

"That was a joke. Obviously. Sorry, I forget you're not like the guys I hang around with," he apologises in his own special way.

"What are they like?" I ask when we continue our walk and find ourselves at the quarry.

It seems neither of us fear death when we dangle our legs over the high ledge which is roughly thirty feet above the water. The wind is strong and blowing harshly against our ice-cold faces as we stare at the lit up town in the darkness.