River Dreams

The Haunting

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

The Haunting

Within everything I had ever known, I found a small piece of understanding, a bit that led closer towards the comprehension of this world. As I stayed in the hospital I knew that it was just another piece they had given me, one to help me see the truth.

Destiny had played a cruel reality check on a naïve girl, that girl being me, and the reality check being the four white walls that surrounded me.

Though there was no denying the good the world had given me, it had been cruel to show such beauty and light only to have it taken away. River was ripped from my grasp, leaving his burning imprint on my heart, like a symbol of admiration.

Although I was alone, stripped from the comfort of freedom, I learned how to cope. Somehow the memories held me up; the thought of having lived freely kept me proud, I had touched true freedom. I had lived a love story, a real life, mind blowing, heart wrenching love story.

But there's more to a love story than love.

At this point anyone would be thankful to still have their memories. After seeing people here it makes you feel less crazy, less hurt, and you lose that which is called "personal importance". It pained me to see the women who spoke of their children, husbands who spoke of their wives, teens who spoke of their parents.

In the land of the damned all you may keep is the past and it's haunting.

I wasn't all that alone, I suppose, I met a young boy named Jonathan. He's only fifteen, fresh out of Portland's hospital; transferred over to "Saint Mary's Home for the Mentally Ill". He was here for the season.

I don't know what it was that made me feel so comfortable by his side.

He was incredibly intelligent for a person his age; just listening to his stories gave me the freedom to tell mine. I told him about River and how much I missed him; I happily retold the events I lived, explaining that I would stop at nothing.I would find him.

By the end of everything, our hours of conversation, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Jonathan's words had stuck to me like glue, he had told me that I should be happy that Rivers' not with me...trapped within whatever this was. In a way I was, I was happy that River didn't have to endure the time within these walls.

Nonetheless I couldn't be sure, how did I know he wasn't somewhere else? Maybe he was just as trapped as I was.

Two months later Jonathan killed himself in the boy's locker room, he had hung himself with two white sheets wrapped around his neck. I remember crying as the medics pulled him out into the hallway; he was strapped to a Gurnee.

His lifeless body was exposed to our eyes. I was frozen amidst the whispers of other doctors as my mind raced with memories of our small chats in the lunch room, his laughter echoed around me. I couldn't stop myself from staring down towards his neck.

His pale flesh seemed even duller compared to the white walls, the only color was the lines of purple where the sheets had gone.

I stayed up sick that night, a defiance burning within me as I realized I needed to escape.

If Dylan didn't kill me the suffocation would.

I thought of River as I cried myself to sleep; I imagined his body beside mine in the small bed. I thought of his green eyes, creating a mental picture of them with the shadows of the room.