Lost and Found

Finding Reasons

"You're probably freaking out right now. I know if someone acted the way I did and then blanked me for the next few days, I'd be freaking out too. But don't worry, I promise it's not as bad as it seems." He takes my other hand and continues, "Miyah, I really like you. I mean, you probably picked that up..."

I try to calm him, "Hey, it's ok, relax, take a deep breath."

He pauses, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. After a few seconds he opens them again slowly and smiles at me, "Thanks. Ok. So the reason I distanced myself was to think. I wanted to be sure that I wanted this and that you feel the same because, I mean, it's only been a couple of months since we met. You also know that I haven't had the best experiences in life, and I didn't want to drag you into all of that, burden you with everything that's going on. You're the first amazing thing that's happened to me, Miyah, and I don't want it to end badly like everything else. I know I should have told you, and I'm really sorry I made you worry. But, it was nothing to do with not liking you because those few days away from you showed me that I want to talk to you every single day, to hold your hand on walks and hug you goodnight. I can't be away from you and I know for definite that this is right." It takes me a moment to process what he said. He looks at me with anticipation, before realising he's rushing me. "Right, sorry, I've just dumped all this information on you and just expecting an answer right away... please, take your time to think."

He tries to pull his hand away, but I grip it tightly, "Yeah, maybe you should've told me what was going on. I would've understood completely. But, now that you've explained, I get it, and I did have a feeling that it was because you wanted to think things through. Asher, I want you to know that I understand your situation. Your past hasn't been easy, and I'm so sorry for what you've been through; you don't know how much, but maybe that's why we need each other. I can help you through these things. I can be there when you need me, just as you can be for there for me."

He gazes into my eyes for a moment, and I can see the tears brimming in his. He's fragile. He's been broken more times and in more ways than no one should have to endure, especially someone like him. Yet that doesn't put me off one bit, it only makes me feel more attracted to him. Yes, he's fragile, but he's also resilient, and in a way that's a little bit like me, even though he's unaware of what happened with my dad. He probably thinks he's the only one who needs to think about things, and maybe I did at first, too. But looking back on it now, I realise that I needed to consider things as well, and I'm grateful that I did because everything seems clear now.

Asher brings up his arm and gently tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. Intense butterflies flutter around in my stomach, yet his familiar woody and slightly spicy scent of his cologne comforts me. After a few minutes, he pulls away, a smile on his face.

"What's the matter?" I ask, a bit unsure of how to react.

"You have the cutest smile," he says and I blush, looking down at the ground. We spend ages on the pavilion for bench talking and talking about everything and nothing until he gently squeezes my hand. "We'd better get back before they lock us out." So, we walk back, my hand still in his, and he doesn't let go until we reach my dorm room. "Thank you for this evening, for listening and for just being wonderful."

I blush and mumble, "Anytime."

"Goodnight Miyah. Sleep well."

"Goodnight, Asher, you too." He leans in and hugs me. It lasts for a few seconds before we part, both of us smiling. He turns and strolls back down the corridor, and I watch his silhouette until it disappears around the corner. Then, I quietly enter my room, closing the door behind me so as not to disturb Saffi who is fast asleep.

That night I sleep peacefully, free from worries and filled with happiness.