Hey, A brown girl blog.

A new year 11/2/23

                                                                                                                                                                                                                           11/2/23
Dear blog,
Hello, are you still here? I know I have been MIA for quite a while but that else can be expected, from someone who's hanging on to sanity? Let me fill you in on my terrible start to this year, I am still in disbelief that we're already 2 months in. I am lost still, that else did you expect from the moody brown girl? I wish someone would pick me out and make my life better but we all know that's just being easy bait for a narcissist, with a saviour complex isn't it? I am sick to the back teeth of those people, I need to rescue myself! It's easier said then done but I haven't written even in my journal, I am still not even processing the events of last year. I remember being a 16 year old and having a plan, it's crazy how I was more of an adult then and now at almost 20 I feel like a 16 year old. I am now a uni drop out with no job, still stuck at home hating my parents. I need to grow up but how? How do I revive myself when I have been dead for so long? Being dead for more than 4 minutes is legally dead but I have been dead for the last 4 years. I am a ghost, floating through life wishing my body would follow my soul to the land of the dead. I am also grieving the loss of my teenage year, they were wasted by my strict parents who expected me to act like an adult and never let me be stupid and young. How do I act when I haven't even been through my teenage phase and still crave it? I am too crippled by social anxiety to have any friends to chill with, my life is wasted and pointless. I wish I could have changed soo many things but the past is fixed and my future is ruined. I just want to pick a random book and live in there instead, why is my life so miserable?
Thanks for listening to my rant.
Yours truly, MM ( my initials)