Teasing Mr. Fischbach: MarkiplierxReader {Dirty} (18+) ✔

Chapter 10: A Losing Battle

'This may seem a little out of the blue but, I was wondering did you want to come spend the weekend at my place?' A large grin lined my face and my heart began to flutter. I stared down at my phone reading that text over and over again. Spending the entire weekend with Mr. Fischbach would be absolutely incredible and it was nice to know he felt the same about spending time with me.

My thumbs couldn't type back fast enough. Now that the weekend was here, we could spend the next few days with each other without restrictions such as school. 'I'd like that. I'll swing by tomorrow.' I set my phone down on my desk and continued to work on the rough draft of my essay. The words were spilling off the pages in front of me, and yet I couldn't exactly understand them, they may as well have been gibberish.

Ever since Wednesday evening out at the creek, my thoughts and emotions have been even more convoluted, and they seem to be the only thing I've been able to focus on. On one hand, I like what we have, and I understand his opposition but I knew in my heart what I wanted. There was no longer any doubt in my mind, I was very rapidly beginning to fall for him and that scared me.

'I enjoy spending time with him and I love what we have but, am I really willing to continue seeing him knowing I'm falling for him more and more, and he isn't willing to commit? Even if he says it's for my own good... Is he really just holding back for my sake or is he playing games with me?'

Although that thought absolutely broke my heart, I refused to submit to it. I clapped my eyes shut in an attempt to hold back the tears that were starting to form and instead began to remind myself of what we shared on Wednesday. It was easy to pretend it didn't bother me, I could smile on the outside but inside it hurt. 'I want so desperately to believe him when he said it's become more than just sex for him, but believing he means it and proving he means it, are two very different things.'

Realizing my mind was going so far off track from what I should be focusing on, I slammed my notebook closed with a huff and flung it across my computer desk in frustration. I ran my fingers back through my hair, leaned back in my chair and tried to calm myself down. My mind felt like it was running a marathon, and I was beginning to lose to my own subconscious. It felt as if I was fighting a losing battle. Either way, it was a lose-lose situation. I could continue to see him and ignore what my heart wants, knowing nothing aside from mutual satisfaction could come out of it. Or I could put a stop to the beautiful thing that we do share, which would also hurt.

I couldn't help but ask myself which would hurt more. However, in order to know that, I needed to be 100% sure there was no way to make him see it through my eyes. It was then I was finally beginning to understand why he would be worried about a failed relationship hindering my education, because even though we're not exclusive it was already starting to.

Again my phone vibrated with the text message tone. 'It's only Friday, why not spend the entire weekend and come tonight? I'll pick you up tonight, and I can drop you back at home Sunday.' In the moment, after the near breakdown I just had I was hesitant. My mind said no, but my heart was telling me otherwise. I didn't have time to make up my mind before he replied yet again.

'I won't take no for an answer. In fact, I'm already on my way. I'll be there in about 15 minutes so get some stuff packed.' It was clear he kind of made up my mind for me, and in a way, I was grateful he did. I would have only been battling myself to come up with an answer as to why I'd rather go tomorrow after I've had time to collect myself. 'LOL. Okay. Park across the street so no one sees you. See you soon :)'

'Perhaps this weekend would be good for me. Maybe I'll finally be able to put my doubts to rest.' There was no real reason as to why I should have any doubt at all as everything so far has been perfect but still, there has been a part of me that wondered if it's all just a game to him. Even if it was, I can't force someone to feel something they don't. I could only use the time I had with him to show him just how deeply involved I was, and hope maybe he was beginning to feel the same. I felt ridiculous after almost having a breakdown for no good reason other than my own insecurities. I sighed and rose to my feet, reminding myself I had no reason to be so worried. 'I said I trust him, and I do... I can only go with an open mind and hope everything will work out for the best.'

After giving myself a much-needed pep talk I shoved my phone into my pocket and proceeded to get some things together. I hiked my bookbag up off the floor and onto my bed and emptied its contents so I could use it over the weekend. Turning off to my left, I began to rummage through my dresser debating on what I should take. Assuming we'd be lounging around most of the weekend it was a good idea to pack something comfortable, as it's not like we can really be seen together in public over the weekend. People we know may see us together and begin to ask questions, which obviously we can't have. Our 'relationship' is risky enough without the added heat.

I spent the next few minutes of packing myself some clothes for the weekend, my hair brush, my toothbrush, and whatever else I felt necessary to bring. Just as I swung my bag over my shoulder my phone began to vibrate again. 'I'm here. Hurry up, don't keep me waiting. :p' I found myself laughing at what perfect timing he has, as I made my way down the hall and to the front door. I slipped on a pair of flats and proceeded to leave only to be stopped by my dad coming in the door, who had just gotten home from work.

"Where are you going in such a hurry." Certainly, I wasn't going to tell him I'm going to spend the weekend at a guy's house, let alone my English Teacher. He's way too old fashioned for that. I stopped and gave him a kiss on the cheek before actually leaving. I stuttered for a moment to find a believable lie. "We're doing a group project at school so I'm spending the weekend at Juliet's." --"Group project... Right. Well whatever you're actually doing, have fun but be safe." Sometime's I wondered why I even bothered to lie to my parents, they usually saw through my dishonesty anyway but, in this case I didn't exactly have much of a choice. I shook my head slightly with a bit of a chuckle from his response, trotting down the stairs "I'll be home Sunday. Love you," I yelled to my dad as I walking down our driveway.

As I approached the sidewalk, I took a look down both sides of the street and found Mr. Fischbach's silver cobalt parked on the side of the street a few hundred feet away. Walking to the car I couldn't help but feel butterflies in my stomach. I was blushing before I even got in the car and was somewhat giddy with excitement for what the weekend may bring. The closer I got to the car, the easier it was to make out the shadows of his face, his stubbled jawline, his glasses and those big bright eyes that made me weak.

Finally, he rolled down the driver's side window when I close enough and his deep sexy voice greeted me. "Hey, beautiful." I flushed and shyly turned my head away from him, smiling to myself. I've always found myself decent looking but hearing him call me beautiful, well I believed him. It brought a warmth that I wanted to feel time and time again. A warm feeling I only ever get whenever I'm around him. He has a reputation around school for being a complete asshole but, I don't know that side of him. That's not who he is around me, he's different. 'Maybe that's why I'm starting to fall for him, he's so different from guys my age. So far from what I've seen, he offer's everything I want and need in a man. I just wish there was a way to make him feel what I feel.'