Maddie stepped out unto the balcony as she stared at the city lights outside the hotel. She welcomed the little bit of silence she got from being out here, away from the festivities of the opening ceremony.
Taking a sip from her wine glass, she wrapped her arms around herself as she tried to warm herself from the biting cold.
She arrived in Manila at 2pm after staying for 3 weeks in Davao. Her family wanted her to stay at home for the entire 2 month vacation but she begged to come back to Manila even just for a few days, so that she could support Bea in her U-23 competition.
Rushing to the hotel, she wanted to surprise Bea and jump in her arms as soon as she opens the door. Except, she was surprised to find Jia opening the door.
Of course they'll be roommates here, just as they were at the dorm.
For sure, they would be roomed together because they were bestfriends.
Honestly, she expected them to be together, because they are the closest in the team.
What she wasn't prepared though was to find Jia at the door, hair all disheveled, cheeks all blushed, and lips freshly bruised.
As the bitter liquid travelled down her throat, she closed her eyes as the events of today came rushing back to her head.
Her heart started to scream, but her mind pushed all doubts aside.
She scrunched her forehead as she thinks about how Bea seems not to be herself today.
From being distant and reserved when she arrived to the point of not returning her kisses, in contrast, at the dinner, she was so expressive and touchy.
While Bea has always been sweet, she was not one for public displays of affection.
When they were just starting out, they had a bit of a fight because Bea did not hold her hand at the mall, and they felt more like friends than lovers. Maddie asked if she was ashamed of their relationship, but Bea said "I just don't think I need to convince them about us. I don't need to show them anything, I don't need to prove anything to them. All I need is that you know it."
But today, at the dinner, there were times that Maddie had to stop Bea from being too showy. Initially, it was cute as she dragged Maddie and never let her out of sight as she proudly introduced Maddie as her girlfriend. But during dinner, as they were sat at the same table with their ateneo teammates, she kept kissing Maddie, and it made things a little bit awkward for everybody.
She took another sip of her wine and she had to stop herself from whincing as the alcohol burned her throat.
"Hey, I was looking for you..."
Turning quickly around, she almost spilled her drink.
"Oh.. Hi Bei" she replied, and turned around to resume looking at the city lights.
Bea hugged Maddie from behind as she wrapped her arms tightly around her waist. Peppering Maddie's neck with kisses, Bea clutched her tighter as her kisses turned feverish.
"Bei wait" Maddie resisted a bit
"I missed you Madz" and she turned Maddie in her arms she kissed her passionately
Maddie had to hold on to Bea's shoulders to control her
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"This is not like you. Kissing me in public?" Maddie touched her cheek as Bea closed her eyes and kissed Maddie's palm
"Why do I feel that you're suddenly asking for everyone's validation of us?"
"I just don't want to give you any reason to doubt our relationship"
"Have you given me any reason to doubt you Bei?"
Bea kept her eyes closed as a tear fell from her eye. She did not respond, but instead held Maddie's face in her hands and gently kissed her on the lips.
"I know I'm not the perfect girlfriend, but I'll try harder. I'll do everything to make you happy" and she started sobbing
Maddie hugged her and kissed her forehead "Babe, I don't understand what's going on with you"
"I'm weak, and I make mistakes. Sometimes I may even hurt you, but believe me I try.. To give you the love you deserve"
"Bei, love should not be so hard. It should not be forced or begged for. It just.. Is.."
"Madz, I don't want to hurt you.."
"Then don't, Bei.."
They kissed and stayed at the Balcony until the party ended, unmindful of the revelries behind them.
-----
Jia did not feel like partying, considering the events earlier with Bea and Maddie.
She wanted to escape but she couldn't leave the party as she had to mingle around being the co-captain of the team. When the dancing started, she found this as an opportunity for a breather. Taking a cocktail, she walked towards the balcony for some silence.
As she made her way to the balcony, the wind blew causing the curtains to open revealing the silhouette of Bea and Maddie kissing.
Jia stopped in her tracks, hand tightly clutched on her glass, as she felt her knees about to cave in. She forced herself to look away, to close her eyes and erase the painful truth in front of her, but her legs didn't move. It was as if her body was punishing her by forcing her to endure this.
"Jia, coach is looking... Ohhh"
Ella had to stop herself when she saw Jia frozen like a statue, bearing witness to Bea and Maddie's love.
"Hey, come on" Ella walked up to her and touched her hand. Ella looked straight into her eyes and nodded at her "let's just go"
Her tears started falling. "Ate Ella, when does it stop hurting?"
Ella hugged her. "It doesn't. The pain never goes away, you just get used to it, until you think you're ok. Well, at least something comes up to remind you again.."
"I want it to stop. I just want to wake up someday and be ok"
"You can't tell your heart to stop hurting, in the same way you can't tell it to stop beating."
"I love her Ate Ells"
"Then why are you telling me this, instead of to her?"
"Because I already lost my chance.."
Jia collapsed on the bench as she finally surrendered to her tears. A mere curtain separating them, but the irony of their situation are worlds apart --with Bea happily in Maddie's embrace while Jia lies devastated in Ella's arms.
