After our 3 week break from UAAP, finally, we return to court tomorrow for game 1 of the finals. To say I'm worried is an understatement... I am terrified.
"Go ahead babe, I'll stay for a while.." I kissed Maddie on the cheeks as she was on her way out of the lockers.
"You sure? I can wait for you" Maddie replied.
"No, it's ok. I just need some time to psych myself for the game tomorrow"
"Hey" she placed her arm on my shoulders "I believe in you"
I mumbled an agreement as I gave a lopsided smile, causing her to laugh. She pulled me into a hug as she kissed my forehead.
"I love you Bei" she whispered in my ear.
"Love you. Go on, get some rest. I won't be long" I said playfully slapping her bum to signal her to get on her way.
As soon as I was alone, I went to the top of the bleachers and stared at the court. I willed myself to see the court as a smaller than it actually is, imagining myself as bigger than my fears.
This is my first championship game in my life. It's surreal how I've come to this point in such a short time. Last year, I was just a high school student, a volleyball player that nobody has heard of. I wasn't even being recruited by any school. Now, less than a year after, I'm here standing on the brink of greatness.
I closed my eyes and prayed for strength for the games tomorrow.
I opened my eyes when I heard someone walk unto the court and slowly dribbled a ball. Opening my eyes, I saw her walking slowly around the court. She touched the net, checked it's height, as she jumped again and again, as if blocking a shot. She then went to the service line as she held the ball in front of her, memorizing the line of sight for a service ace.
I slowly made my way down the bleachers, the whole time keeping my eye on her. She, on the other hand, seemed to be lost in her own world.
She looked to the bleachers when she sensed movement. Shielding her eyes from the glare, she tried to identify who I was as she squinted.
"Oh hi.." She said as she recognized me, then she returned to dribbling the ball, lost again in her thoughts.
I crossed the bleachers until I was on the sidelines, a few meters away from her.
"What are you doing here?" I asked
"Shouldn't I be asking you the same question?"
"I asked it first.." I look straight at her. It worried me that she looked so frail, so lost, as if burdened by the weight of her problems.
She let out a deep sigh as she shook her head and again pounded the ball, her head hung low.
She must have been so lost in her thoughts as she jolted, surprised that I was beside her and intercepted her ball. I walked behind her as I dribbled the ball slowly and she turned around to look at me.
"Just letting out some tension" she finally spoke. "And you?.."
"Same" I shrugged my shoulders.
She looked straight at me and I had to stop pacing around.
"You're officially with Maddie?"
"Uh-humm" I mumbled, avoiding her gaze.
She just nodded silently.
"When?"
"Just a few days ago"
She crossed her arms over her chest, as if suddenly cold.
"Are you happy?"
"She makes me happy"
"That's different..."
"Ji..." I walked up to her to touch her shoulder and she looked up at me. For the first time, I could see how sad her eyes are.
"This sucks..." I said
"Which part exactly?" She asked
"Not being with you and Losing you as my bestfriend at the same time." I replied
She moved in to hug me and I didn't resist, I really did miss her.
"I hate this Bei. I hate it that I want to tell my bestfriend my problems, but the catch is, it's about her."
I snickered at the irony of our predicament. I clutched her head to my chest as I kissed her hair.
"Ok, tell me what's wrong Ji.."
"I fell in love Bei, so hard... But I let her go. And now she hates me"
"No, she doesn't hate you, she can't hate you. She was just.. Hurt" I hugged her tighter as she embraced my waist.
"But I do love her. But maybe now's not the time for us. Maybe when I'm stronger, maybe when I can fight for her. I just hope, when that time comes, I'll be lucky enough that she would still be free to be with me.."
I could hear her crying now, as I continued to kiss her temple.
"She said she understands, that the world can be really scary and people judge and hate. And she wanted to tell you.."
Jia looked up at me and our eyes locked.
"That I really love you too Jia, so much.."
"Do you think she can forgive me?"
"She will... in time" I smiled back at her as I ruffled her hair, wiping her tears with my hands.
"One last kiss.." She said more as a statement than a question. She leaned up to reach me as she hooked her arms around my neck.
I surrendered to the kiss, knowing that this would probably be my last kiss with my first love.
