Noorur-rahman

A Soul Or A Wanderer, Who Am I?

I think I may be a soul, a wanderer, stuck somewhere with beautiful voices, that I love listening to everyday, as they carry me along in this enigma. Sometimes I'm awake and something I can't even move a toe.

I don't know why these people are urging me to wake up, it's confusing since I'm quite happy where I am. Seeing things and beautiful places with happy faces. I can smell and feel everything. Yet why does it feel like I'm sleeping? Why am I being asked to wake up?

What's weird is that I can see all these people with beautiful and nice smiles, but then who I'm? "Noor!" Is it me? They seems to call me that.

"Noorie!" Some will say. And

Noorur-rahman is the absolute. Maybe I am Noorur-rahman and that's my name. But, still who am I? Why do these people cry sometimes? I'm always there but they don't seems to notice me. And there eyes longed for me. Something I understand what's happening around me and something everything is so confusing, like I'm lost. Yet, I still follow the crowd of these happy people.

Therefore, I'm a soul! And only I can see them, sometimes I fly above their heads just so they could see me, yet nothing.

Sometimes ago, it had been so painful walking alone by myself, maybe I was trying to reach home. However, I got lost or maybe the address was not right, I try going home several times, but I can't seemed to get there. Though, how could I not know home?

And finally after so long, I saw him from a far distance. "Abbah!" And my heart was so happy. It's him, I remember him, he's my father! So I ran to him, but suddenly everything went crazy as the distance becomes lengthy, and no matter how fast I run, I can't seems to reach him. Though, I have to try. I have to try even though my breathe is hitching in my throat. I have to follow abbah home today.

And without any warning, I tripped and fall flat on my stomach, hitting my head hard. Everything hurts and when I look up from the sandy ground wincing in pain, abbah was further away from me. And I'm alone in that desert.

"Why are they not seeing me?" And my breathe hitched one last time and everything went blank. Nevertheless, before that I remembered I'm not a wanderer. I'm actually what I think I am. I'm Noor, Noorur-rahman. I just lost abbah on these desert.

"Noorur-rahman! Can you hear me!" I perceived someone's voice, forcing one of my eyes open and flashing something very bright in it, yet I can't see anything.

"It's the reflex again." Oh that voice is my abbah, he found me. He came back for me!

"No, she's waking up!" The earliest voice replied. I know this voice too, but I don't know who it's.

"Oh Alhamdulillah, that's great!" Is abbah crying? I wonder, I want to tell him I'm okay, so he doesn't worry, but I couldn't.

And slowly with too much difficulty I try to open my eyes and see why my abbah's voice is too anxious about me. Abbah have always been the one to worry about me. But why the other voices? I can hear them asking too many questions, in their voices lays too much distress. And whoever was the person who called me earlier, he asked the rest of the voices to wait outside.

I silently pray to The Mighty Allah to allow me to see them and ease their distress. And after much trial, I'm able to feel my eyes slightly opening with blurred figures in front of me.

I try to move, but my back hurts and all my   muscle. Everything hurts and I begin to contemplate whether trying to open my eyes is the right choice. And just then I see abbah as I try to keep my heavy eyelids open, his hand was on his mouth and looking so scared, therefore I called for him, "abbah, abbah!" Nevertheless, even I can't hear my own voice. Perhaps, this is a losing battle. So I just let myself go.