The Eighth Time

Chapter 3 : Heartless

THE EIGHTH TIME

Chapter 3

Heartless

The walk back home I spent it my thoughts jumping from well literally jumping off a cliff and the hot blond new girl.

              Males are simple creatures really. We want to see the girl naked, that’s all it amounts to. Girls have these weird messed up fantasies, like doing the deed in the boy’s locker room–I do listen to conversations around me in class. Clearly only a girl would think of doing it in the guy’s locker room, the origin of the awful stench coming from our sport bags. There’s contentment in nudity. Give me nudity and I’m happy. It should be a club. I should start a club with that as a slogan and sell shirts saying that “All you need is nudity to be happy”.

              What was I even saying? Starting a club? A nudity club wouldn’t need shirt and I wouldn’t even be alive tomorrow anyway…

              That’s when it really dwelled on me… I was going to kill myself today.

              I had found the means to end my life, one that was clearly not going to hit me in the back of the head like that goddarn rotten pillar.

              Hi my name is Keegan Bundy and I don’t trust wood anymore.

              I wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about this. There was some sort of happiness of course, relief because I finally knew what I would do… but there was something else.

              Doubt?

              Did I doubt? How stupid? There was no need to doubt. Why was I even alive anyway? There was no reason or greater purpose. I was useless and pathetic and stupid and no one really cared about me. I wouldn’t leave anyone heartbroken.

              Alright, sure, my mom wouldn’t be happy-jolly about the whole thing but she would get over it. She barely noticed me at home anyway. Who knows, maybe that could bring her close to dad again…

            My house came into view faster than I had time to realise it; I was far away in my thoughts. The house was empty, obviously and so was the content of the fridge.

             I could bet my liver that mom wouldn’t have bought grocery when she’d get home. She was a creature of habit. She was never home, always working late, she never did the groceries and she never cared. I mean, yes she cared… but she didn’t care at the same time… she was out of it, so to speak.

              I couldn’t decide what to do with my last few remaining hours, all alone. I would wait for mom before going off to kill myself, to say goodbye at least.

              Hi my name is Keegan Bundy and I’m not completely heartless.

           

              Actually that was the thing though. I was kind of heartless. I had nothing to truly care for. I didn’t care about school enough, or my friends enough, or my family enough. I didn’t care about me enough, about life enough. I didn’t care. My heart loved nothing.