Moving Mountains (Patrick Kane)

You and Me .56

Valerie

I don't think I have ever spent so much time on a singular question in my life. Naturally I was a over thinker, I constantly questioned everything, it's purpose and what it means to me. But after a while I beat the dead horse and move on. Accept that there are things in this life I will never understand.

But this is a question of my future. Of me being able to move past everything I've known and take a leap of fate into a wonderful future I cannot control.

In all reality I would love to move in with Patrick. In a perfect world I would be packing my things right now without a care in the world. Not worried about what changes once I do. And if I am fit to be this kind of person. Someone he can come home to and put a smile on his face. Who can learn to do things with someone after being alone for so long.

There was a lot of things that worried me about moving in. And I don't want him to think this isn't what I want. I do. But I don't know the best way to go about it or when the best time is. If there's even such a thing.

At no point in my life did I think I would find a person worth giving up so much for. From what I learned love is all about sacrafice. What about you, the way you think, are you willing to give up in the name of love? What will you do to make things work? Inevitably I would have to give up a lot of my independence and all the things I loved about being alone for the greater good. But if I give up so much of myself, how do I know I won't lose myself in the process?

I walk around the park as I admire the warming temperatures. People think that since I always dress dark and I don't open my blinds that I wouldn't like being outside but I honestly love it. Nature is incredible and this city always has such and interesting story to tell.

A kid in one of Patrick's jersey runs past and I smile. He means so much to so many people. And what he means to this city never scared me. That status and title isn't enough to change the way I look at him. I've always seen the same guy I've come to love. But it doesn't change the fact that he's a legend to these people, someone they too can't live without.

After a while I feel my phone buzz and I see a text from Patrick. All it said was "meet at our place" and that's all he had to say for me to know where to go.

I arrive at this little bakery just outside the city. It was quite, not many people know about this place but I love it. Patrick had never been and I insisted he tried it. Has been here at least a few times a month since then. I find him outside of the bakery with a bag in his hand. He sees me walking over and smiles real big my whole way over there.

"There you are" he squeals. We haven't seen each other since I left his place a week ago. And I've been thinking a lot, he knows that. But he wasn't going to wait forever.

"I'm happy to see you" I admit. I missed him more than I could put into words.

"I'm glad you came, my love" he says sending chills down my spine.

He pulls me into a quick kiss and I happily oblige. I'm not one for making big public scenes but I appreciate how he's not ashamed of me. I might be a nobody but to him I'm a somebody.

"Let's go for a walk" I insist as we break apart.

"Lead the way" he smiles.

We walk and eat the macaroons he got for us from the bakery. It warms my heart to know he goes there and supports small businesses. It's easy to make your way as a Starbucks or a Dunkin in this city. His just going there brings business and they're good people. They deserve to get some foot traffic.

"Can I ask you something" I wonder.

"Of course, anything" he assures me.

"Why do you want me to move in? I know the obvious answers like we can have more time together and you love me. I know that. But that's about all I know" I admit.

"Is that not enough" he asks.

"I'm sorry, but it's not enough. There are people who love each other who do awful things. Simply because they love. If I make a decision like this because of the way we feel, and not the way things are, then how do I know that is moving in together wouldn't be the exact thing that tears us apart? Yes we would be spending more time together but we don't know what that will intel. If things will mesh" I try.

"We won't know until we try" he reminds me.

"Or we won't know until it's too late" I add on.

"You can't look at the world like that. You'll live your whole life in fear of what could of been. Never knowing what could have been either" he says.

"It's all I know" I whisper.

"I can show you" he tries.

"But I'm still scared" I defend.

"I'm not like everyone else you had in your life" he says.

"And I know that. But you're trying to undo 27 years of all I've known. Ever since I was little all I've known was pain. I was just a kid! A teenager looking out on this world realizing I will never truly understand it. Do you know what it's like to be 15 and never felt love, never felt comfort? I had my grandma and I was thankful for that but I was still a ignorant teenager who thought she knew what this life was like. I hadn't a clue how awful it could be. Never had something to call my own.

I was a kid... and I had to figure out adult problems. I've been working since I was 14 years old. People leaned on me and I hadn't even learned how to stand on my own. And with every relationship I tied I burned the rope not too long after" I explain.

"Look at me" he begs. I let out a long sigh before looking up. "I will fight for you with every fiber of my being. Until my last breath I will do whatever it takes to make you feel like you belong with me. Because you do.

You want to really know why I want you to move in? Because I can spend all my time reminding you that you are blessing bestowed upon me and you deserve to be reminded every chance you get. And I love learning from you, not just form your words but your actions. Your mannerisms. Every morning I wake up next to you assures me that it'll be a good day, and I want it to always be a good day.

I want you to move in because all the reasons I said, and all of them I can't. All I know is that you are everything I need in my life to be happy, and I would be happy to have you by my side through it all" he explains.

A single tear falls to my cheek as I wipe it away. How could I possibly say no after that?

"Alright" I sniffle.

"Alright what" he wonders.

"I'll move in. My lease is up next month anyway. I hadn't signed anything because I wanted to move somewhere new and get a fresh start so I guess this is it" I shrug.

"Don't sound too excited" he jokes.

"I am. I've thought about it a lot and I didn't need much convincing. But your last answer was a good one" I admit.

"So it's gonna be you and me" he asks.

"You and me" I promise.