Tae and his dad stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity to Tae he wiped his tears with a shaky hand, took a breath.. "dad?"
His dad seemed to come to a decision and said grab your boots, you're coming with me today" and walked out through to the kitchen leaving Tae open mouthed to stare after him.
He felt.. Deflated? He thought, he'd just bared his soul, literally changed the course of their family history potentially and his dad wanted him to help out on the farm today? Was that it?
Of course, not following wasnt an option, he respected his father enough to not disobey so, he followed through to the kitchen and grabbed his work boots.
It was going to be another beautiful day and Tae took in big lungfulls of fresh air, he did love it here, the mountains in the back ground, the streams and miles of fields, here he was Kim Teahyung, not an idol but a farmers son. Was this the life his father really wished he'd chosen?
His father still hadn't spoken, but Tae knew what was expected, he'd helped out many times before, he grabbed a pail of chicken feed and walked over to the enclosure and started scattering feed around.
He was lost in thought, these actions so ingrained he could do them with out concentrating at all.
If he hadn't become an idol, would he still be gay? He still had trouble saying the word, he'd never had to label what he felt for JK, once he had stopped fighting his feelings he'd just accepted and kept them hidden.. He'd never felt attraction to any one else male or female... But for lack of a different term gay would have to suffice.. So would he? He was pondering this question for a good hour..
Chickens had been fed, eggs collected, and he was now spreading hay in the fields for the cows. They only had a handful but they provided milk enough for them and a local cheese maker.
Tae stole glances at his dad occasionally, but his father was engrossed in his own chores and was doing a brilliant job of ignoring Tae.
Tae knew this was a process his dad would have to work through so didn't push him.
He given up trying to answer his own question, it was starting to hurt his brain... Would he be gay? Who knew? he wouldnt have met JK so the whole question was moot, he loved JK, regardless of his gender.
Around lunch time his father finally spoke "let's go and get lunch" he said but instead of walking off waited for Tae to pack up what he was doing and then walked with him.
Tae held his breath, here goes he thought..
"when you were born," his father started, "it wasn't long after Lee Soo-sung became prime minister, I remember thinking he will be a great leader, and when I looked at you I felt you would be too. It was the year of the pig so I thought you'd bring prosperity to our farm.
From the moment you could sit up and smile you made others around you melt, you drew people to you like a fisherman with a line.
Your mother and I had to work so hard back then, I was grateful your grandmother could help raise you, but I was also jealous some times because your smile was less and less for me.
I watched you grow up whilst being on the sidelines of your life. It was regrettable but unavoidable.
I could see you were amazing from very early on, you'd decide you wanted something and keep working at it until you achieved your goal. This is how you learnt to crawl and then walk.
You have always been head strong and committed. If you wanted to pass a test at school you would stay up all night if need be studying, when you wanted to help me feed the chickens you lifted little bags of rice until you were strong enough to carry the chicken feed.
That's always been your way, it was one of the things I admired about you growing up. Your straight up determination.
I remember when you said you wanted to be a musician instead of a farmer. I said you would have to play an instrument to be a musician and so you chose saxophone and then learnt it so well you won a gold medal.
I was so proud, thought maybe even you could be in an orchestra, but then you set your heart on being an idol. I had no doubt you would become one once you'de decided.
I can not recall one time when you wanted somthing and didn't get it.. ". He stopped walking and turned to look at Tae... Tae waited and lowered his head..
" everything thing you do, every person who's life you've touched is better for knowing you. I wanted you to have a good life, a meaningful life ful of respect, I have seen you recieve that respect from presidents both here and around the world, I've seen how hard you have worked.... , I dont want to see you get hurt, and lose all you've worked so hard to achieve. "
To say Tae was speechless would have been an understatement, he looked up at his father" I.. "he stopped unsure of what to say.." I don't know what to say "he said eventually being honest.
His dad started walking again and Tae followed behind.
His dad said " I can't say I understand, I can't say I approve, all I can say right now is I know if you've set your mind and heart on JK nothing I or the rest of the world is going to change your mind. I don't know if I'll ever accept your marriage but both your mother and I will publicly support if need be.
My thoughts and personal doubts will be my own and I won't bring it up again. If any one can change the world into accepting something it's you. "
Tears has sprung in Taes eyes but he knew his father wouldn't appreciate a hug or words of gratitude so he remained silent.
They arrived back at the house and Tae's mother was waiting to serve up lunch. She looked at her husband and then looked at her son. The questioning look of converen was replaced with a small knowing smile. All was well in her house again. For now she thought.
Tae ate his black bean soup and rice silently. He had so much to think about now, even more than he'd had before. Firstly he was relieved his father and mother were not too disappointed in him. Was he still hurt his marriage wasn't accepted? yes, but he understood it.
Secondly.. His parents were concerned for him, that had surprised him, his father not being the most affectionate man in the world.
Thirdly, there was something his father had said that was loading in the back of his brain, forming a tiny point of an idea, it want quite firmed yet but Tae knew there was somthing there.. Like when a word is on the top of your tongue, this was an idea on the tip of his brain. It would come to him when ready.
He finished his food, thanked both of his parents and asked to be excused... He had a lot to think about and a lot to message JK about. He felt exhausted yet exhilarated. His father had shocked him today.
