JK was staring out of his hotel balcony holding a piece of paper in one hand and gripping the railing with the other...
It was a contract edit from Bang basically saying go along with what he was asking for the next week and maybe, just maybe himself and Tae wouldn't get kicked out of the group.
He wasn't allowed to contact Tae which was hell, He was supposed to act like the well known idol he was and enjoy his vacation. He wasn't allowed to get too drunk in case he couldn't control his impulses, He wasnt allowed to spend any alone time with single men because apparently all gay men were promiscuous....
He crumpled the piece of paper in his hand and threw it across the room.
There were a few more edits, including doing a v live, but basically he was being forced to have a holiday, but by himself, no group members and most definitively no Tae.
He came back into the hotel room and sat on the edge of the bed, hed been here since yesterday and hadn't left his room, he knew he needed to respond to RM but with out knowing their schedule he couldn't txt for fear of the txt being seen and RM had already said they weren't supposed to message each other.
He was worried about Tae... , where was he, was he okay, but again he was categorically not allowed to contact him. The frustration and anger of the past day and half spilled over and he punched the wall.
In his head he was raging, tears stung in his eyes, he wanted to scream and kick and lash out at any body and every one... He grabbed at a sofa cushion and held it over his face and screamed all the pain out, the cushion muffled some of the noise, but not all, one of JKS body guards who'd been in adjoining room rushed in.
The body guard quickly assessed the situation and quietly backed out the room, talking into his handsfree as he left.
JK felt like a popped balloon, he didn't want to move he didn't want to eat, and sleep was impossible as everytime he closed his eyes he could see Tae's big black eyes staring at him full of love and trust, and now what, was he going to betray that trust and let Tae down?!
Could he in all honesty even go back to hiding everything, from Tae and the group just to keep everything going? , how long for? 6 years!?
And then of course the biggest problem, Army!, their fans... They saw everything, they already knew, suspected about himself and Tae, could he/they convince the world that nothing had changed?
He didn't think they could pull it off and he didn't think Bang understood just how much the world saw..
Needing to clear his head he decided it was finally time to get some fresh air. Putting on dark, generic jogging clothes, a face mask and black sports cap, JK grabbed his back pack, a couple bottles of water and went out of his room, body guard closely following.
Once out side, head phones in ears and music blaring JK set off at a fast pace...
Instead of following the path towards the ocean JK turned inward and started jogging towards the grassy desolate areas he knew were just a few miles inland.
His feet flew and his legs burned as he pushed himself to his running limits, physical pain was preferable to the mental pain, he wanted to stop thinking, just press pause on his thoughts for a little while, recharge his mental health,
After over an hour of running JK found himself on a small dirt path surrounded by fields of bright yellow rape seed.. "Tae would love this" he thought...
The body guard had come to a stop a little distance away, JK was so used to having bodyguards around him he barely even noticed them any more, but this time he did, the guy was clearly fit to have been able to keep up, but he was also clearly out of breath and JK felt a pang of guilt.
He walked towards the body guard and handed him the spare bottle of water, next time he would let him know where he was going and what he was doing so he could prepare for himself but JK knew that he'd literally had the thought to leave and left, not giving his security time to do anything other than follow.
The guard said thank you but nothing more, invisibility was part of his job description, baby sitting spoilt idols wasn't.
JK sat down where he was, the rape seed blocking out most of his view at this height. He felt a little calmer than he had all day and was glad he had come for a run.
He pulled his phone out and opened the picture of him and Tae.. No he couldn't give Tae up, not for all the accolades , money or respect in the world, things had gone too far now to go back, the only way he'd back off now was if Tae told him to.
He felt like a weight had been removed from his chest as he slowly jogged back to the hotel, he had a plan, not much of one, but a definite one and that was already making his steps lighter and his heart ache less broken.
He showered and wrapped a hotel robe around him, his luggage had arrived today but his robe still smelt of him and Tae and he couldnt bring himself to wear it.. Yet, he wouldn't wash it either.
He took another bottle of water from the fridge and went and sat on a stool next to a counter top. He took his phone out and turned the camera on to record.
"Tae, my love," he started, looking directly into the Camera, " its been almost 48 hours since our date, i cant talk to you directly so I'm making you a vlog, but just for your eyes,.." he smiled and felt the first bit of peace in what seemed like forever...
