There are two things in this world I know for sure — guys always want it, and vaccines cause autism. So what's a gal to do if she gets sick, or worse, if her kid gets sick? Well, that's where my book comes in: an alternative medical guide to some of the nastiest ailments out there.
Ailment: Diphtheria
Modern "Cure" : Diphtheria Vaccine (Ingredients: Mercury, Lead, Autism Spores)
The Jenny McCarthy Cure: Place your hands over your patient's chakras. Command the supernatural life energies to flush out all that gross diphtheria. If your patient is still breathless and sneezing blood, reenergize her chakras with my J.M. Sleepy Babe Peppermint Tea™and try again.
Ailment: Polio
Modern "Cure" : Polio Vaccine (Ingredients: Microscopic Polios, Autism Spores)
Jenny McCarthy Cure: Mix tea tree oil, lavender oil, and my J.M. Shea Butter with Exfoliating Beads™ in shamanic gourd. Smear it on your crippled baby's back and affected limbs. If your little guy is still paralyzed, add more of my J.M. Shea Butter with Exfoliating Beads™.
Ailment: Cancer
Modern "Cure" : Radiation (Ingredients: Toxins, Nuclear Glow)
Jenny McCarthy's Alternative Medical Cure: Place some of my J.M. Pink & Perky Acupuncture Needles™ in the cancer. Let it sit for an hour. Remove J.M. Pink & Perky Acupuncture Needles™. If the cancer is still there, try the chakras.
