Jane followed the trail of rose petals through the hallway, her body humming with desire.
“I’m in here,” Rick said, his voice an echo from the master bedroom.
Jane continued towards the bedroom, towards the smell of burning candles, and the sound of her boyfriend.
“What do you think?” Rick said.
There, in front of her, Jane saw her soulmate wielding a child’s bow and arrow in an oversized diaper.
“I’m Cupid!”
Rick fired a toy arrow at Jane, which bounced off her right breast, and fell to the floor.
Jane sat on the bed and buried her head in her lap.
“Diapers?”
“What’s wrong?” Rick said. “I thought you wanted to do more of the 50 Shades of Grey fetish stuff.”
“Mr. Grey doesn’t wear a diaper!”
“Are you sure? Wait, is he not the rich casino guy who takes LSD and then runs around pretending he’s a baby?”
“No! That’s an episode of CSI.”
Jane began to cry.
Rick pulled a heart-shaped chocolate from his diaper.
“Want a treat?” he said.
“No,” she said, still crying. “Wait, how many chocolates do you have in there?”
“Just the caramel ones,” Rick said as he popped the chocolate in his mouth.
Jane buried her head in head in her hands again.
“Massage?”
Rick pulled a bottle of knockoff KY from his diaper, and waved it in front of Jane’s face.
“That’s lube!” she said, disgusted.
Rick shrugged.
“It’s a versatile liquid.”
Jane got up, walked to the bathroom, and slammed the door shut behind her.
“You wanna watch some CSI?” Rich yelled.
There was no response, just a couple of burning candles, and Cupid’s arrow lying limp on the floor.
