𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥

chapter twenty three

I am once again skipping class today I just can't deal with the pressure and the stares. I just want to crawl in a hole.

I know that time is the only healer for what I'm going through but I don't know when the time is going to come where I feel okay.

I decided to finally talk to my brother, he seems to be getting by. I know he feels guilty, we both do. We are helping each other through this the best we can.

"Nicole? Can I come in." Ariya spoke from behind my door.

"Sure."

She gently opened my door and walked to the edge of my bed. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Do you want an honest answer?"

"Always." She sat on the edge of my bed placing her hands in her lap.

"I feel worse Ariya, I feel like the pain is never going to end, everyday when I wake up I wish I was someone else."

"It's hard, I know. I just wish there was something I could do to help." She twiddled with her thumbs. "I know this probably isn't the healthiest option but I know you haven't been getting much sleep, maybe you should start taking melatonin every time it hurts, a nap and some rest may do you some good"

"No that actually sounds like a good idea, but I don't have any and I'm not going to the store."

"I have some don't worry, I thought of this plan yesterday. I care about you." She left her place on my bed and went across the hall towards her room.

When she returned she was holding a bottle of melatonin and a cold water. "Here, get some rest, I love you."

I watched her retreat from my room and instantly took some melatonin. Sleep is the only time I don't feel pain, if on the rare occasion I don't get a nightmare, but this should knock me out.

I cuddled myself up in my covers and faded off into a deep sleep.

-

When I woke up again it was dim outside, not completely dark, but I could tell I was out for a while.

I looked over to my counter to grab my phone and check the time when I realized there were two pill bottles on my counter now.

I rolled over to the other side of my bed to turn on my lamp so my vision wasn't so cloudy. My phone read 7:30 pm.

I grabbed the other pill bottle by the melatonin and it read 'xanax'

Ariya must've given it to me for the stress and anxiety. I don't know much about medicine but she is a medicine major so I'm not going to doubt her.

It's already late and I just want to go back to sleep, tomorrow I have to unplug my dad. My mom wants us to do it early in the morning so we don't have to dread the day waiting.

I got up and decided to make myself some warm tea because that always seems to do the trick when I have trouble sleeping.

I treaded lightly back to my room, assuming Ariya was asleep.

When I made it back I carefully sat my my tea down and put relaxing music on the tv while I waited for my tea to cool down.

I glanced over at the melatonin on my bedside counter.

It couldn't hurt to take some more, I need the sleep and I've never heard of anyone having a a melatonin overdose.

-

Obviously my methods worked because I slept through my first few alarms.

I set a lot of alarms in the mornings anyways because it takes me a while to get up. So I wasn't anywhere near late, I woke up at the perfect time.