𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐥

chapter twenty two

I haven't left my room in a week. I have missed calls and text from Milo, my mom, and my brother. Ariya has been trying to get me to come out for days. She's slept by me a couple of nights. She's tried to talk to me but I either don't reply or answer shortly.

I think she finally accepted that I need my space and I don't want to talk. She's been bringing me my favorite snacks and coffee from time to time.

I've missed 3 of my classes which is enough to put me way behind but I don't care. How am I supposed to care when life clearly isn't ever going to go my way anyways.

I've been trying to write in my journal about my feelings but every time I try I just start uncontrollably crying. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know how I'm supposed to grieve the loss of a parent, especially one I barely knew.

I was laying in the middle of my bed staring at the wall when I was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Go away." I groaned.

"Nicole? please let me in." I heard the voice I recognized and craved. The voice I wanted so badly to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be okay.

I just didn't want him to see me like this. I haven't showered, I haven't ate, and I haven't properly slept in 5 days. My face is stained with day old tears that I haven't bothered to wash off. My hair is in the same bun it was in last week.

"Milo please go away."

I heard his head slowly hit the door. "You need to talk to somebody baby, this isn't healthy. Just let me in, even if it's for a little bit." He pleaded.

He isn't going to leave without seeing me and the sooner he leaves the sooner I can be alone again.

I walked to the door and unlocked it. He didn't hesitate to open it.

It swung open directly after he heard the door unlock. We just looked at each other with sad eyes. I couldn't sit here any longer without his embrace.

"He's gone Milo." I hugged him, sobbing into his shoulder.

His arms wrapped around my back and his hand held my head. "I know, I'm so sorry my love."

He slowly let go and led me to my bathroom. He instantly turned on my shower.

"Let me help."

I just nodded, I didn't have the energy to argue.

He gently stripped me of my clothes and helped me into the warm shower. The water beads ran down my back and I felt so relaxed.

Milo got in with just his underwear on and shampooed my hair. He was so gentle with me. He repeated the same process with the conditioner.

He gave me my loofa with soap already on it and let me wash my body while he massaged the rest of the conditioner out of my hair.

I don't know what I did to deserve him but I hope he never leaves. I can't handle anymore abandonment.

"You stay here amour and relax, I'll be right back."

I saw him shuffling around outside the fogged up glass of my shower then his body retreat out of the door.

I decided to sit down on the ground of the shower and just let the water run over my back. I was so exhausted, I just wanted it to be over.

Milo came back after 10 minutes with a towel in his hand.

He turned off the water and helped me out, wrapping me in the extremely warm towel.

"I'm sorry if it's too hot I thought I'd heat it up in the dryer for you so you weren't cold when you got out."

"No it's perfect, thank you Milo."

"Of course amour. I know you haven't ate today and I brought chinese, please just try to eat something, even if it's just a little bit."

I slightly smiled at him and nodded. He kissed me on the forehead and left the room to leave me to get dressed. He was being so nice to me the least I could do was eat what he had bought me.

I'm thankful it's Tuesday because I don't know if I'm ready to go back to class just yet. I'll always recognize that hallway as the place I was delivered the worst news of my life. It might take me a while to feel okay but I'm going to at least try taking steps towards happiness.

There was a tiny knock at my door, "Are you clothed?"

I opened the door. He was standing in the door frame with a to go box labeled chow mein and two cold water bottles.

"I can leave if you want to be alone."

"No stay, please."

He stepped into the room and sat the food down on my night stand. "Of course amour, anything you need."